I'm Counting Every Lie

10: I'm not going to get 'freaky' with him

So... I just deleted this chapter so now I have to rewrite it.. ;-; *gets imadeoutwithmedusa to write some* thank you

Thursday

When I wake up I feel bad. It's hard to describe, all yesterday I was sad and mad but today I feel numb with sadness.  6am in my bed I lay motionless as teenagers by my chemical romance plays through my alarm.  Burying my face into my pillow, I take a deep breath, fighting off the urge to fall back to sleep.

It's like I cant move, I'm completely under my purple blanket and snuggled up with my pink silky sheets. Yesterday kellin texted and called me a lot but I ignored it all. Every time I see or think of him I feel worse.

I'm mad at him for making that love potion. I'm mad at him for thinking it was okay to give that to someone. Yeah I thought it was okay but I didn't think about it that much. Under that spell I wasn't myself, I was so blind and it changed everything.  Deep down I'm not mad at kellin but it just hurts.. He hurt me and right now nothing he says can fix it.

We hardly ever argue because he is really a nice and considerate person but no matter how much I tell myself its purely fault mixed with some bad luck I still blame kellin.

I'm also mad at josh. Not necessarily mad but frustrated and confused and being frustrated and confused makes me mad. He's just so weird. He seems like he knows kellin other than being his bully, he seems to respect kellin or something. But I know that's a lie, josh franceschi is a horrible person. He picks on people and hangs out with Jordan and matt who mainly target me.

I feel so sad and numb that I can gather the energy to get up and turn off my alarm. It shuts off itself after a minute but in five minutes it will come back on.. I dont think I can handle school today. I'm so useless..

My alarm goes off again but it seems literally impossible to get up and turn it off. I hear my door open and my mum's footsteps walk over and turn off my alarm. "Oli? Are you up?" She asks and pulls my blankets down just enough for her to see my face.

"I'm not feeling good," I whisper and she smiles understandably. My mum is very understanding. She knows it's best not to bother me when I'm like this. I'm numb with sadness but it's very easy to get me mad or crying.  Going to school like this has only ever ended up in a fight, me crying in class, and getting detention.

"Okay cookie, ill let you sleep more but I dont want you sleeping all day? Try to get up before I leave for work," she says and kisses my forehead. I nod and then she leaves my room. She really does love him unconditionally, I just with I could be a better son.

I close my eyes and drift off to sleep. Hopefully when I wake up everything will be better. Right now I just feel like going to sleep forever.

Quiet, yet bored-sounding, mumbling tries to wake me up but is unsuccessful as I still see my dreams floating around. Or was that just my dream's noise. Its hard to tell if I'm half awake or completely asleep.

"But I dont even know him-" a voice says within my dream. I cant move, sleep paralysis?

"- asleep-"

What does this mean? Why cant I wake up? Is someone in my room? Is there a monster in my room? I'm completely helpless. Panic starts rising in my system.

"He probably hate me more than you," joshes voice? I manage to open my eyes but my vision is hazy, but I manage to make out the figure of Josh standing at the foot of my bed. My eyes widen, and any drowsiness remaining was washed away by the shock I felt. Why is Josh here?

One leg is crossed over the other, one hand shoved into the pocket of his jeans awkwardly. And the other is holding a phone up to his ear. They’re black, and they cling to his slim legs. I blush and look away, after fighting with my mind. His shirt is as black as his jeans, but it’s slightly baggy, so I can’t see his body shape. His leather — or is that pleather? I can’t tell — jacket is unzipped, and it’s catching the light from the sun. I notice a red flannel underneath the jacket. His posture is stiffer than usual, but he still looks like he’s bored with me.

He hangs up and looks at me. I would jump out of bed but I only have a sweater and short tight briefs on. "Why are you here!?" I ask quickly as my hair falls into my face. Stupid fluffy curls. He shrugs a little.

"Uh, something to do with your mom? She told kellin something or other and apparently kellin 'needs' me to stay here?" He says seeming confused but bored. Oh.. my mum was worried I'd try to kill myself or something so she told kellin to watch me but he's scared that I hate him so he got someone else to come hang out.. but why josh? Josh is a fucking bully?

Why not one of kellins friends like alan or matty? Well not matty, matty is a fuckboy who pretends to be like us but he just screws people over. Some reason he's still our friend. The saying friends stab you in the back is s little altered for him. True friends stab you in the front. He's done it a lot..

"Well fuck off, I dont need you here," I say and he ignores me and goes to my dresser and picks up my blue and gold crystal crown. This fucker is really going to mess with my stuff? I get up and snatch it away from him and put it in my dresser and glare at him. He looks at my squirrel skeleton and makes a disgusted face.

"You have weird things," he says and I roll my eyes and start putting things out of his view.

"shakira hips," I think he mumbles to himself. Did he say that? I look at him and he's looking at my bruise and scraped knees.

"What?" I ask and he grabs my lipstick and points at it.

"shakira lips? It's what shakira wears?" He says and looks completely shocked and confused. He looks at the lipstick and then me. "You wear lipstick?" He asks and I feel even more mad at him.

"If I said I did you'll tell Jordan and make fun of me, if I said no you'll say I'm lying. You are stupid get out," I say aggravated. He scoffs and then I want to hurt him. I step forward to- I dont know- hit him? But trip and so I dont smash into him he grabs me to stop me and at the same time my door opens.

Josh's hands are gripping my wide hips and my hands are on my chest. Toned chest.. "lock the door if you plan on getting freaky," my mum says and I shove myself away from him.

"I'm not going to get 'freaky' with him-" I start in a high pitched voice.

"Good, I'm going to work. Neither one of you leave this house. Be safe, bye," she interrupts about to leave.

"No! He is leaving," I say and she shakes her head.

"So you can burn the house down again?" She asks and I roll my eyes.

"I didn't burn down the house," i say putting my hand on my hip.

"You caught the bathroom on fire and burned our walls causing us to spend hundreds of dollars on fixing it. You need to be watched. Either him or kellin," she says and my shoulders slump.

"Whatever, have a good day," I say and she says her buys and leaves.

Fuck..

"Get out of my room," I snap at him and he scoffs.

"You are quite a brat aren't you? Listen to this. Just because I'm nice for a second doesn't mean you can yell at me. I will make you with you were fucking dead if you dare tell anyone that I'm here or talked to you in any way," he says shoving me to the ground harshly.

I fall on my ass and he storms out. That fucking bitch is stupid. I hate Josh franceschi.

Thoughts

Theories

Omg I hate rewriting stuff. It was over 2000 words but not it's just under 1500