I'm Counting Every Lie

40: ;)

I didn't even eat spam :c

Saturday

Oli's pov

When Josh gets back from wherever he went he walks into the house without knocking. I guess that doesn't matter because I knew he was coming over and kellin does that too. I'm in the kitchen and I 'just got done eating'. He looks at the plat that has crumbs on it. The rest on the toast is in the outside garbage can.

"Do you want me to make you some? It was toast and eggs," I say and he shakes his head.

"No I ate while I was out. But thanks," he says and takes my plate and starts washing it. Josh is a completely different person outside of school.. Is he going to ignore me in school? Duh.. why would he get his friends to pick on him.

"My sister left so I can go back home," he says and I feel a little sad- well a little sadder, I'm already sad. Now im really sad. Because I can't talk without breaking down I nod with a smile. Josh looks at me and searches my face.

"What?" He asks sensing somethings wrong.

"Nothing?" I chuckle nervously and he doesn't lose the look. "Let me see you're arm. Please," he says and panic shoots through me. Is it obvious I cut while he was gone.

What do I do? "No fuck off, I dont fucking do it often and when I do it is none of your business," I scoff and he stops me from getting off the counter by getting in front of me. He gets in between my legs and grabs my hot face.

"Oli, stop. You don't deserve pain and all it is doing is leaving scars. Fresh scars are ugly, you dont want to be ugly. Just let them all heal and fade. Faded scars are good because it means you went through something hard but you're bigger than it," he says making tears form in my eyes. He holds both of my hands as he says this looking into my eyes but I can't look in his..

"I wont give up on you. There's scars wont tear us apart," he says in a honest voice. Tears fall from my eyes as I blink. "So dont give up on me.." he whispers and I hug him and start crying.

He's going through stuff too. I'm so selfish.. He runs my back soothing and I appreciate him so much. His hugs are the best. I feel safe in his arms, even safe from myself...

Monday

At school I go to my locker first thing and try not to overthink everything. Key word try. Josh cheered me up the other day but ended up leaving before dinner. The next day (yesterday) we texted a little but it was just about sonic, video games, and memes.

People look at me weirdly because of- either the crutches or because they always look at me weird. I'm wearing all black except the purple flowers on my black shirt but that's mostly hidden by my black hoodie. Kellin isn't by his locker so I look around and see him smiling and talking to Vic. I cant hear then but both are smiling and kellin laughs and leans against Vic's locker as they talk.

Well I'm happy he's happy but he hasn't been talking to me like he use too. I don't know, it might be my fault because I haven't texted him first once since I've been talking to josh. I struggle to get my locker open and then I realize I cant hold a book while holding my crutches. Uh...

Kellin? You know I need help, come help. I look at him but him and Vic are walking off. Ugh, kellin gets to in love too fast. Maybe I'm jealous but I dont care.. "oh my god, ew, its wearing a skirt!" Jordan's voice calls out and I freeze.

Yes..

I'm wearing a skirt..

My face heats up because I'm ashamed. I look over and see Josh, Jordan, lee and matt looking at me. I just want to dissapear. I hate this word, I wish it would all end. Jordan comes over to me and looks back smiling at Matt. Josh looks frozen. Lee looks kinda lost, he hardly hangs out with them but he is their friend. Help me josh..

"Broke foot?" He says looking down on me. It's my ankle but I nod a little scared he'll hurt me. He takes my crutches so I lean against the locker scared I'll fall.

Anxiety swarms in my chest like bees in a beehive. My breathing is getting faster yet shallower. I'm already dizzy from not eating today, yesterday, and hardly and the other day. He's going to hit me. I close my eyes tightly and he does hurt me. But.. not how I thought.

Jordan's hand goes up the inside of my thighs. My eyes rip open to see his smirk. "Is this why you wore a skirt?" He says and touches the front of my underwear. I'm petrified.

Jordan gets pulled away harshly and I cover my crotch even though my skirt is down. I feel dirty.. and sick.. I look at Josh who is yelling at Jordan. "I stand by you while you pick on people. That's fine. But sexual assault is fucking disgusting," he growls and Jordan starts laughing.

"You think this is sexual assault?" Jordan says and puts his hand on Josh's crotch. Josh's fist collides with Jordan's face and then josh runs away. Fuck. Lee gives me my crutches and then goes to matt who is freaking out by the unconscious Jordan. Fuck josh can hit hard.

I crutches away shakily and go to the closet bathroom. Coughing and crying noises come from the farthest stall. Josh is freaking out.. "j-josh," I say accidentally stuttering. I can still feel Jordan's hand on me..

The toilet flushes but he's sitting on the floor.. he throw up didn't he.. "n-not no-w," he says.

"Open the door, or I'll crawl under," I say and this makes him open the door. I come into the handicap stall. It's the biggest one so a wheelchair can get it. He sits back down on the floor and cries into his knees that he's hugging. I sit down next to him and set my crutches down.

I put my head on his shoulder and feel numb. "I'm s-sorry," he tells me looks at me. I shake my head.

"I'm fine, just concentrate on breathing," I mumble and he starts trying to stop his panic attack. After a while he's calmer.

"I don't like it here, let's go to my house," he says helping me up. I need comfort. I hug him and he flinches at first but then hugs back. The bathroom door opening makes josh let go of me and he has a panicked expression.

"Josh? Mr. Dun wanted me to come find you," lee says. Josh's face relaxes a little.

"I'm not coming to class. But help me for a moment," josh says opening the door and picking up my crutches and giving them to Lee. "Carry these for me," he says and then picks me up and starts walking.

We go to his car and Lee puts my crutches in Josh's car. Josh helps me into the passenger seat and then thanks Lee. "Thanks, text me about what happens to Jordan," he says and they separate and josh gets in the car.

I cant believe that actually happened.. Jordan.. touched me..

Words: 1262

Thoughts?

Lee?

Josh?

Oli?

Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh