I'm Counting Every Lie

22: crying

"F-fuck, fuck," I swear realizing how bad everything is.

"Can I touch your l-leg?" He says and clears his throat. His words dont have any meaning, it's like he's speaking a different language or something.

I groan and curse. I pull my hair and cry harder. He picks up my leg and sets it more straight before he starts untying my shoe. "Did you break it or hear a snap?" He asks sniffling. I'm going to die. What is he doing? Is he going to hurt me? What did he ask?

He takes off my shoe and I feel pain jolt through my foot to my leg. "O-ouch," I whine. He touches my ankle a little and bends it a little. It hurts but not deliciously like how I thought.

"I.. um. I dont think it's broken but you are freaking out like it is?" He says but I cant stop crying and freaking out. I might throw up if it gets worse. I cant breath and keep coughing and choking on my sobs. I sound like I'm dying.

He sets my foot and leg down gently and takes my hands away from my face. He looks worried and sad. "Oli, you have to breath or you'll pass out," he says calmly. I cant breath. It's like I'm being strangled.  "Look at me," he says but things are going fuzzy and I'm trying to look at everything.

He grabs my wet face and forces me to look at him. I'm going to die. "Hold your breath for a second," he says as I'm breathing to fast and short to get oxygen. I close my mouth and stop breathing but I feel like this was a mistake. "Now breath in for a five seconds," he says and starts counting as I breath in. I only go in for three because I'm trying to breath to fast again.

"Try again," he says and starts counting. I close my eyes and start breathing how he's telling me too. After a few minutes I'm able to breath but still panicking and crying.

"In a few minutes when you are less hysterical I'll carry you to the nurse or take you home if schools already out by then so dont worry about that. Just breath and calm yourself," he says and wipes my tears away and I lay on the hard damp cold grass. My head spins a little but I'm starting to feel less overwhelmed but my ankle really hurts.

"M- my ankle," I say not really knowing why I'm trying to get at.

"Yeah, you probably twisted it or sprang it. Possibly broke it but you it's not really swelling like how broken ankles do," he says slowly and brushes my hair out of my face. I cross my arms over my stomach feeling like I'm actually in my body now and not disconnected from it.

"Its swollen?" I ask looking at him with wet eyelashes and a red face. He's not crying anymore and stoped as soon as he saw me but I can hear it in his voice and his eyes are slightly red.

"Yeah, sit up and look," he says helps me sit up. I look at it and see it looks fatter. I really hurt it didnt I? I hum a little and wipe my eyes and face more. This seems surreal, like, I really did just hurt my ankle.

I look at him and he looks at me. "Why.. um.. why did you help?" I say and he shrugs.

"You got hurt, I'm an asshole yeah, but I couldn't not help," he says with a shrug. I guess I did get hurt seriously, that's different than scrapes and bruises. A little..

"Why were you cr- upset," I say realizing he might get mad if I say he was crying. He looks away and looks upset but not mad.

"Its nothing... I'm literally just over reacting to something unimportant," he says and shrugs again.

"Yeah and I dont do that?" I say giving a face chuckle and continuing. "What happened, I'm sure it's more serious than why I just freaked out," I say and he shakes his head no.

"No.. I'll be fine," he says and checks his phone. "Schools been over for five minutes. How about be wait for people to leave so we don't get questioned about me carrying you to my car," he says.

"Okay," I agree and take put my sock on because even if it hurts to do so I want my foot to be protected from eyes and the cold cold air.

"How bad does it hurt?" He asks after I sniffle a little.

"Um.. a little less bad than when I broke my leg falling down some stairs," I say and he snickers at me. "I know, I'm clumsy. But it was hardy my fault," I say and he smiles a little. 

See when he's nice I really like him.. but he's so mean and rude.. when he's nice he seems like a completely different person and it's hard to even think about him in a bad way. He's so confusing. But I can't exactly refuse his help or get mad at him for treating me bad because I cant get home or even up without him.

We stay quiet for a while of mainly me just analyzing my ankle, comparing it to my other and stuff like that. "Was this because of me?" He says quietly and pointing to my knee that you can see through the holes in my pants.

"Yeah, it bled a lot," I say plainly and he nods. He's not going to apologize is he..  He looks at my hair and then around us.

"How.. how do I get kellin to stop talking to me? It doesn't seem like being mean to him has worked much," he says looking at the ground. Was he crying because of kellin? Or Maybe it was family related. Or maybe Jordan pushed to many buttons? I dont know much about josh so there could be a lot of reasons I don't know about.

"Well, I don't know. He really loves you but I am trying to get him to talk to his crush so maybe he'll stop. What is he even talking to you about?" I say and he runs his hand through his hair.

"Just our past and shit. He thinks I'm gay but im-" he pauses and looks around. "I'm straight, I like girls now and yeah okay, I fucking admit that I was curious but not anymore," he says and I nod. I guess some people really are straight. Straight isnt bad. It just means I have no chance with him but I dont think I want one. He's rude and mean.

"Hey, I dont care if you are straight. I believe you. Kellin is the only one who is convinced that you are gay but I think he deep down knows you are straight he's just hopeful," I say and he sighs.

"Yeah.. I guess," he says and takes off his pull over hoodie and gives it to me. Could he see how bad I'm shaking? Could he hear my teeth clattering? Oops. I put it on and feel a little thankful that he's not always super rude.

It might be better if he was, than I wouldn't be getting a crush on him..

Thoughts?

Theories?

Why was josh crying?

Poor oli..

Kellin?

Oli?

Josh?