I'm Counting Every Lie

15: cold

When we walk out of school through a back way he leads me to the parking lot. I walk to school but I'm pretty sure josh lives pretty far away. Does he drive?  Soon enough I get my answer because he pulls out keys and then we approach a nice looking car. "Wait, I'm not getting into a car with you," I say stepping back.

"Then you'll never know why I kissed kellin," he says and I feel hurt when he admits to it. I knew it happened but.. I dont know. With a huff I get into the clean new car and wait for him to talk. Instead of talking he starts the car. Okay.. I guess we are going somewhere.

I'm not the most careful person, josh is a dangerous person and could definitely be taking me somewhere to hurt me but the reason I'm going without suspicion is simple. I just dont care. I dont care if I get hurt.

The air conditioning turned on and he sets it to the heater. Outside looks wintery. Not snow yet but I doubt kellin will be wearing skirts anymore.. My mind seems to always be going back to kellin. It hurts my heart.. I put my elbow on a part of the door and rest my face on my palm as I look at the dying trees along the road.

"Um.. oli?" He says and I slightly ignore him. He'll probably tell me whatever it is even if I dont acknowledge him. "I'm not gay," he says and I look at the liar. His eyes are on the road but he has a almost sad face on his face.

"Yeah and I'm a girl," I say with a scoff he looks at me for a second.

"Well honestly I wouldn't be surprised if you were a girl," he says and I roll my eyes even though he doesn't see it. "But I'm serious, I dont like guys," he says and he looks like he's serious. He's not gay? But he is with kellin or something.

"Then what do you explain your tongue down his throat?" I say and he pulls into the parks parking lot. He turns off the car and looks at me. He looks the most human I've seen him. He looks vulnerable?

"He said- well.. basically he was telling me I'm gay.. so I kissed him and then told him I didn't feel anything and I'm not attracted to him anymore- n-not anymore but like, at all," he says. Kellin was sad.. because he got rejected?

Why am I disappointed that josh is straight? I guess just because he is undeniably hot. Did he really not mean to say anymore or did they use to date or something? Josh is known for lying, is this a lie to make me believe him and kellin aren't a thing? I search his face but he doesn't look like he's lying. I'm pretty good at telling when someone's lying.

"Well, why do you bully him? Why does he like you? I'm confused, you dont make sense," I say and he shrugs. That's the only response I get before he gets out of his car. Because I dont want to be locked in practically a strangers car I get out too and follow him.

I'm tempted to talk to him like he's not just some bully but what if he makes fun of me for it? That shouldn't matter. "So.. do you have anger issues or something? I cant understand why you or anyone would want to hurt someone as nice as kellin," I say and he puts his hands in his pockets.

The trees around us are orange, yellow, and brown and the grass is yellowish green but lots of leafs cover most of it. This isnt a playground park, if just has a pretty field, paths, trees, and a pond. Josh looks at me and shrugs a little. "It use to be different. But, that changed. Now he's trying to talk to me like before and it's his fault I'm mean to him," he mumbles.

"Its his fault.. that's fucked up. He doesn't deserve to cry. He cries a lot.. wow. You are a dick," I scoff out and he looks at me. He doesn't look mad at me just bored? Content? What is that look?

"You wouldn't understand. You can think I'm a dick but- yeah. It doesn't matter we aren't friends or anything," he says of the softer side. Wind blows through my hair and jacket and I feel colder. I'm just my nose is starting to get red from the cold.

M

aybe he has a good reason?

"Yeah," I chuckle dryly. "I have no friends," I say and kick some crunchy leafs. He looks at me and then I realize I said something depressing. "I mean, it's my choice. I dont like people," I add quickly and he looks forward down the path we are slowly walking down.

"I do but dont have friends," he says and I think I understand. I've always thought people who have so many friends are the loneliest. Everyone knows josh he has so many 'friends' but so many of them talk bad about him. Friends dont do that.

"Why don't you get a real friend?" I suggest and he looks at the blue and white sky. He hums and then shrugs. How is he not cold? I'm trying to pretend I'm not freezing but I am.

He hums and looks at me. "People don't like me or already have a view on me. Nobody wants to me my friend," he says and I feel a little bad for him. Maybe if someone just took the time to get to know him then he wouldn't bully people. He just needs someone. Maybe.. or maybe he's just an asshole.

"So wait, is kellin not your friend?" He ask me.

"No? I dont know.. the love potion change how I see him.. it physically hurts to see him. Plus he doesn't talk to me about personal stuff so it's not like we were close," I say and he trips a little on a rock and I giggle a little.  He pouts and this makes me actually laugh. He smiles and then when continue to walk.

What if I became his friend?

No.. no, he's an asshole. And, straight, yet very hot. I cant do that to myself.. I'm fucking dying of the cold but he looks completely fine. I cross my arms in clinch my jaw so my teeth wont chatter. He looks at me and raises an eyebrow.  "Are you cold?" He asks.

"Oh my god, duh, its freezing," I exasperate and he chuckles at me and my face heats up. He takes off his leather jacket and gives it to me. I put it on without thinking and then I realized how this seems. I look at him but he's looking at some trees.

I guess he's just nice..

Nice?

No..

Right?

What do you think about josh

Kellin?

Oli?

He gave him a jacket

Do you think he's gay?

What?