Wondering if I dodged a bullet or lost the love of my life
They stood there, the glowing trees around them. She faced away from him, tears threatening to fall from her eyes and down her cheeks. His stone cold expression never changed, his lips never moved, his arms never outstretched to hold her. He didn't do anything, making her want to cry even more. But inside, he was crying, sobbing. He wanted to grab her, hold her, follow her; where ever she went. But he couldn't find the words, words to save this, to save them. They didn't know what to say, or was it there wasn't anything left?
"I hate you." She finally said, "I hate you, so much." Her voice started to break.
"No, you don't." He said, still not moving. His voice never changed, she then turned around. He now saw her, her eyes filling with tears; she was angry and frustrated but mostly heart broken.
"Well, I should!" She yelled, her expression changed to a sad and pleading one "Here I am, standing in front of a boy. Asking him to love me."
He didn't know what to say, his feelings were numb. His felt like he had nothing to say anymore, his heart was breaking while he watched a tear fall down her beautiful face. His face never seemed to change, how could he be dying inside but remain calm?
"I guess," He paused, finally finding his words, "If I loved you, I should let you move on."
"Did you ever love me?" She asked, immediately wiping her tears.
"What kind of question is that?" He asked, finding his footing and putting one forward. (Y/n) shook her head, she looked down at the ground. Her mind racing, hurting.
"Then, why is it so easy for you to get rid of me?" She looked at him, he stopped walking towards her. Her words finding their place in his ears, making him think. His face had visible signs of confusion and conflict, she felt more tears rundown her cheeks. She took a sharp breath in,
"You throw me away, like I'm nothing. Like everything we did, every touch, every embrace, every kiss, all of it! And it meant nothing to you."
He shook his head, not wanting to hear any more of it. This nonsense, these lies she had made up in her head. But why couldn't he say that? Why couldn't he tell her?
"Say something." She said, her voice breaking with every new word she spoke. More tears were the result of that, he watched them fall from her eyes. "And stop staring at me, I hate that!"
He wanted to smile, but all he had to do was convince himself that it didn't mean anything, nothing at all.
"Is there anything else I can say, to change your mind? You told me you loved me once, when did that change?" She was frantic, trying to get him to speak. "Why didn't you just leave? Why didn't you just end this without drawing it out and hurting me more?"
"You gave up on us!" She yelled, Yazoo then snapped out of it.
"I gave up on us?!" He asked, his tone changing to an angry one.
"Yes!" She yelled back, he moved closer to her.
"I never gave up on anything!" He stared into her eyes, watching her break from the inside out.
"Then why did you break me? Why did you just stay silent when all I asked for was your love?" More tears fell down her face.
"You are everything I never knew I needed, everything I ever wanted!" He yelled back, her face never changed; her tears continues to still fall.
"Then if you wanted me, why are you pushing me away?" She asked, she started to hold herself.
"Because you won't understand." He stated, he then turned away from her. She instantly reached out and grabbed his shoulder, he melted under her touch.
"Then let me in, Yazoo." She pleaded.
"I can't." He said, still not moving her hand away from him. "I don't think I ever will." He admitted.
Now, there was nothing left to say anymore. She went silent, dropping her hand from his shoulder. She started to back up, he noticed and turned himself around. Tears continued to fall, he went to wipe them away; but she pushed him away. He tried again, but she still pushed him away, she backed up everytime he moved forward.
"I give up." She finally said, "I can't do this anymore, Yazoo. You pull me in and you kick me out every god damn time. Every day, I find new reasons to love you, every hour, I find a new way to forgive you for putting me through this pain. Every minute, I just want you to hold me and tell me you love me. Every second, I miss you more and more."
"(Y/n)-" he started, but she interrupted him.
"No! You don't get to say anything." She yelled, "Why won't you cry?! All you do is watch me cry and beg for you to love me, and you just sit there and feel nothing!" She want to walk away, his voice finally broke the silence.
"If I cry, I don't think I'll never stop." He admitted, his started at her; she looked back at him. Her face still showed anger,
"I don't love you, anymore." She said, walking away.
"When did you decide that?" He called after her.
"Just now." She said, she then turned around. She took something out of her pocket, a small white paper she folded. She held it up while she walked backwards, she then threw it on the ground. He watched her turn around and walk away, he could faintly hear her sob.
Once she was out of sight, he approached the small paper she threw on the ground. He picked it up and unfolded it, his gloved hands finally opened it and saw a written note.
"The last goodbye, you'll only see glances of me now. I won't bother you anymore, I won't follow you. But know that I hate you.
I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car.
I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme.
I hate it, I hate the way you're always right.
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it when you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call.
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you.
Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all. I love you."
The letter finished, Yazoo held it in his shaking hands. Was it over? Why wasn't he relieved? His throat was choked up and his eyes were burning, his body was shaking and all he wanted to do was fall to his knees and cry. He didn't allow himself to, he knew it was pointless. Pointless to feel, pointless to cry.
He and his brothers walked along midgar, and the streets. He would turn to look around him, he would see her in a crowd. But she was right, it was only glances; because just like that. She was gone. There were only a few times their eyes would lock, before she would turn away and disappear into the busy streets. His heart still ached, he kept her letter by his heart. Not wanting to forget about his first love.
"I'm sorry, (Y/n)." He thought, "I love you."
