The Way It Was Meant To Be

Chapter thirty nine

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Shisui wondered if Rin's disappearance would have affected him harder if he had been by himself. Izuna's presence probably lessened the blow, something he was grateful for but, in all honestly, unsurprised about...Izuna seemed to always soothe him somehow.

He told Izuna about her leaving and had received no response back from the older Uchiha; but he did feel his eyes trailing after him whenever the teen wasn't looking, probably watching his reaction. Shisui didn't let anything show on his face though, it just didn't feel like the right time to reflect over Rin's absence.

And as he laid on the shabby bed staring at the ceiling contemplatingly, he tried not to ponder about Izuna's silence too much and let it get to him. After their embrace, the older Uchiha had taken his distance and spoke at only at a minimum. It was...disheartening, but he tried to understand Izuna's reasoning behind all of this. The last thing he wanted to do is pressure the Uchiha or come as too much, and further distance him away. After all, there are a lot of things probably going through Izuna's mind. Shisui refuses to believe it was all because of him, there was the future he had shown him to think about, that was heavier to swallow.

He sighed loudly, turning to his side, giving his back to the other and stared at the wall in front of him. Shisui wasn't able to keep his discouraged face from showing on his features, which vexed him to no end. This was all starting to become a forbidden romance story. It was embarrassing and ridiculous as it sounded—and he was quickly becoming fed up with it.

Not for the first time, his mind traveled back to his best friend—Itachi. Itachi, he probably thinks He was dead, which is true, in a sense, but not for the last time he wondered how different everything would have worked out if Itachi was with him instead—they always had the best dynamic—or if Itachi would be in his shoes instead. And ass soon as that thought crossed his mind, he discarded it. He loved Itachi—he was like the little brother he was never fortunate enough to have, but the thought that maybe Izuna and him...would Izuna even...?

That was brutal, he didn't even want to imagine. And as selfish as it sounded if, for that reason alone, he was glad he was the one to be here instead. It may be childish, but he never experienced anything remotely similar to what he feels for Izuna. And the older Uchiha can have a calamitous temper, he could be cruel and he can hurt ...but he had accepted it all long ago. He had accepted all of him long ago. And one may question his sanity, that was fine, he questions his anyway, but that just happens to be how he feels and he cannot do anything about it—He cannot abandon these feelings.

'I guess this is where Itachi and I differentiate' Itachi would toss these obnoxious feelings to the side and choose self-sacrifice instead. Itachi would prioritize himself, he would know what needs to be done and wouldn't try to involve personal feelings or romance especially when the creation of his village was at stake. That was the thing, Shisui doesn't possess that ability anymore. He had managed to stay as rigid as possible all his life and had succeeded for the most part—until he met Izuna. It was like the older Uchiha suddenly broke all the barriers he didn't know had existed and made him hesitant to follow the shinobi principles that had been hammered into his brain as soon as he could walk. And everything became Izuna involved. He couldn't go one day without thinking about the ferocious Uchiha, it was like he was obsessed—He was seriously concerned about himself.

The teen exhaled heavily and exasperatedly, it was...so exhausting. Shisui never thought loving someone could feel so frustrating, and so deprived. He needed to focus on something else before he goes insane. Anything that didn't involve the oblivious Uchiha sitting feet away from him. He closed his eyes and tried to center his mind in something else, there was something heavy weighing at his heart earlier on before Izuna had invaded his mind. The plate, the untouched food, the torture, the tears, the acrid smell--Rin.