Love & Hate and Friends & Lovers (Zouis/Larry)

26. Happiness

After Hazza and I pretty much made up, I felt so much better. I felt so relieved and it felt like I could breathe again. I know things are not perfect yet, but they are so much better. Probably even better than the last few months have been. It was me who made all this mess. I lied to Hazza for so long with the idea that I would have lost him otherwise. I panicked and before I knew it I didn’t know how to change things. It felt like I lived this double life.

Now, everything is in the open. I don’t have any secrets towards Hazza anymore and that makes me feel so good.  I can finally be around him without feeling guilty. Without feeling like I have to hide something.

I fell asleep within minutes with Hazza closely by my side. I needed him so much, needed to know things were okay and needed to know that he still loved me. And it did. It worked out after all. All thanks to my wonderful Hazza.

I obviously haven’t forgotten the fight that happened two days ago, but I don’t feel that upset about it anymore. As terrible as I felt, I know things are okay. At least I hope so.

Hazza was already gone when I woke up, but he did left a wonderful note:

Hey beautiful, didn’t want to wake you. I went to college. Hope you feel better. I love you and I just want you to be happy. Call you soon. Love, H. x

As I rolled out of bed, feeling weak because of the lack of food and water in my system, I finally dared to look at my phone. I had ignored Zayn for the last two days, not able to speak or see him. The messages on my phone increased quickly and they changed from just casual, sweet messages, into worried messages and calls. 

After a quick shower and some food and water, I finally replied. I apologized for my absence and told him that I wanted to speak to him. I proposed that he would come to my house after school, since I wasn’t fit enough to go to school. I instantly got a message back that he would come as quick as possible.

I smiled. I smiled because of Hazza and I smiled because of Zayn.

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When Zayn finally arrives I immediately explain what happened. Of course I let out some of the details, knowing it would only make things worse. I mostly just tell him the good news.

At first he seems a bit apprehensive, probably still a bit irritated about the fact that I have ignored him for two days. But as I keep telling him about what happened, his mood seems to change quite quickly.

“He just wants me to be happy and if that’s with you, he is okay with that.” I say with a proud smile, feeling immense love for Hazza. He would do anything for my happiness.

“I’m so happy.” Zayn hugs me tightly. Normally whenever I even mention Hazza I can see Zayn’s mood change. It’s like he is suddenly Grumpy Cat, looking extremely annoyed. Now though, he can’t be more excited. A huge smile plays across his face.

I’m drained and exhausted from everything that has happened, but overall I feel good. Really good. You have no idea how happy it makes me that Hazza wants to give Zayn a chance. When he said those lovely words it felt like a heavy weight fell off my shoulders.

“This is good.” Zayn smiles as he squeezes my hand. “One less thing to worry about.”

I nod in agreement. Although for me it’s not just one thing. It is everything. Hazza is everything. I knew from the get-go that if Hazza didn’t want me to be with Zayn, I simply just wouldn’t be. I know that’s just plainly harsh, but it is the truth. As much as I am in love with Zayn, Hazza is more important to me.

But Hazza is okay with it. He wants me to be happy and that makes me feel so wonderful. So wonderful, that I don’t even care about the rest anymore. I don’t care about Zayn’s suspicious mother or the fact that Zayn’s friends might never know about us. Okay… knowing myself, I will have problems with that eventually, but right now I honestly don’t care. I just feel so good, so at ease. I just feel so lucky with both of them.