Love & Hate and Friends & Lovers (Zouis/Larry)

3. Hazza

It’s Friday afternoon and I’m on my way home, but I’m still full of mixed emotions. Because it feels like I have no one at the moment and I really need to blow of some steam, I decide to make a detour. I have to do deal with my emotions somehow and whenever I’m on my bike I forget everything else. I can just focus on the ride, on the physical movement, riding against the hard wind that is blowing in my face.

The first week of school is over and I couldn’t be more grateful. After the first two horrible days things became a little better. As far as being ignored by everyone is something better… Thankfully being neglected includes that Zayn Malik guy. He doesn’t talk to or looks at me, he seems offended. Honestly I don’t give a fuck. I don’t care about school and I certainly don’t care about my class mates.

It still hurts sometimes though. Last year Niall and I became classmates and after two years of sitting alone I was so freaking happy to have a friend at my side. Everyone hated us, but we had so much fun being mischievous. It was my best school year: having Niall as a classmate and seeing all my friends during lunch break.

Thursday I made an awful attempt of making new friends. I saw a group of smokers outside and I tried to make conversation with them. By making conversation I mean that I smoked a cigarette just a few inches away from them and waited for them to talk to me. But they didn’t even give me a glance or a simple hello. They ignored me like everyone else in this hell hole. And I was too fucking scared to talk to them. Instead, like every other day this week, I wandered around the school halls until lunch break was finally over. It was fucking pathetic.  It’s completely different from last year. Last year I was very social, spontaneous and loud. But that was only because I felt comfortable and wanted thanks to my lovely friends.

Now I’m all alone…

I really do feel alone. I have texted my friends on our group app but I haven’t seen anyone, not even Harry, since last weekend! Harry is very busy adjusting to his first week of college, but I’m still angry at him for not noticing how much I need him. He probably thinks I should tell him if I want something from him, but I don’t feel like it. He should understand that I need him and he should be the one that asks me to come over. He should know without really knowing… yeah I know it’s stupid. But just thinking about it makes me pissed. It makes me so freaking mad because it feels like he doesn’t care. Why doesn’t he come over? Why can’t he see that I feel lonely?

I’m so bloody furious because this week has been a disaster and it’s only the beginning. Harry is the only one who can calm me down when I feel like this, but he isn’t around. Fuck!

“Stop thinking about him,” I hiss to myself.

I’m riding on my bicycle like a mad man, trying to stop my thoughts. I race through small streets and difficult sandy paths, feeling the adrenaline rush. For a brief moment I forget my anger and am focused on racing around without falling.

When I arrive at the end of a sandy path that leads to a park I stop. I step of my bike, but still holding the handles as I look around me. The only things I hear are the sounds of birds chirping and in the distance I hear cars. Looking above me I see some birds flying. Birds are free. They can go wherever they want and nobody would stop them. I wish I was free like a bird.

The serene environment doesn’t help me at all. It makes me feel even more depressed, lonely and pissed. I look at my bike and suddenly I kick it so hard it falls over, taking my aggression out on my bike. That doesn’t help either. For fuck’s sake. I’ll just go home, to whatever.

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Harry has his arm wrapped around my waist, while I sit closely next to him almost on his lap. He strokes my hair as we sit together, pretending to watch some stupid show on television.