Love & Hate and Friends & Lovers (Zouis/Larry)

36. Prince Charming

The exams are almost over and I’m not even tired. All my ‘nice’ fellow students seem completely destroyed and exhausted. Why not me?

Well basically it’s because of Zayn. After seeing him again last Monday he was all that I could think about. His sad expression, which I caused, was all that mattered. Somehow school didn’t matter anymore. I made all my exams with the idea of failing in my mind, making them without fear, without being afraid of the results.

Sometimes, in fact every time I saw Zayn, I had the tendency to go to him, but I stopped myself from doing that. What could I have done that would make it better? I could have talked to him and what, apologize? Would that have made a difference? Somehow I feel like a simple chat won’t change things.

I just have to live with the pain of missing him.

“Just one exam to go, right?” my father asks me between taking a bite of his pasta.

I sigh relieved, “yes.” Just one more day of seeing Zayn, I can handle that.

“How is Zayn?”

He has pain, grief. I saw it in his eyes. I saw it everywhere I looked. His whole facial and body expression screamed sadness.

“How the fuck am I supposed to know?” I reply extremely irritated.

“Sorry, I won’t ask it again,” my mother smiles understandingly.

“It’s okay,” I try to say calmly, try to be friendly. I don’t want to fight with my mum; she already has enough to deal with.

“Lou?” Thomas asks me. “Are you sad?”

We all look up at him in surprise. Normally whenever Tom asks me something it’s for attention, to play, not to ask me how I feel.

I briefly smile at him. “A little, but it will be alright.”

“Hazza wants you to smile again, me too.”

An inaudible gasp escapes my mouth. Oh, I didn’t know that. I know Hazza wants me to be happy again, but apparently so does Tom and that makes me so incredible happy. As much as my little brother annoys me, I do care about him. We care about each other.

I quickly stand up from my seat and walk towards Tom to give him a hug. I grab him under his arms, slightly move away from the table and spin him around, making him laugh. He smiles widely as I play with him and thankfully without throwing up his pasta.

I put him down and ruffle his hair. “Thanks little brother, I’ll be alright.”

Hours later, I wake up from a terrible nightmare with tears in my eyes. I keep imagining Zayn’s sad expression, Hazza’s disappointment in me, Ms. Boonstra who tells me I'm failure and my mother who can’t handle it anymore. I feel so bad, I’m sweating and my body trembles. I wrap my sheets closer around me and move back and forth. From the inside I’m screaming.

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“Sir, when we’ll we hear?” Matt asks anxiously.

“You mean if you passed the exams?”

Matt nods. “Yes I really want to know.”

That annoying, hopeless and pathetic boy is acting even more pathetic than usual. But this time it is in a different way. He doesn’t joke around or try to be macho; he seems dead serious and scared. It’s like he desperately needs to graduate from high school. And something tells me that his parents are behind this. You have parents that force their children to do extremely well at school, to persevere at all costs. They give their children so much pressure.