Love & Hate and Friends & Lovers (Zouis/Larry)

8. Confusion

Yesterday I didn't go to school. I faked being sick and thankfully my mother believed me. I really couldn't go to school. Face Zayn after our kiss? I don't think so. It was too fresh and I was too scared.

I knew that I had to go to school someday and sadly that day came sooner than I had hoped. My mother took my temperature and noticed I was fine, so now I'm on my way to school. On my way to see Zayn.

Even if I want to avoid it at all costs, I need to look Zayn in the eye, talk to him and last but definitely not least: we still have to finish our assignment. How am I ever going to do that after Sunday? After our fight and more importantly after our kiss? I've been thinking about it nonstop.

I just have to face him and make it through. The sooner we finish our project the better. I can go back to my old self, my old life, without confusing feelings about some guy who, completely out of the blue, kissed me. I still hate Zayn with a passion, but I also have other feelings. Somehow, in my sick mind, I feel something for him. And that terrifies me. It terrifies me a lot.

I walk into the classroom and immediately go to my seat with my eyes focused on my table. I can't look around me and see what is happening, I'm too fucking nervous.

As I sit down, eyes still glued on the table, I hear all these different kind of noises. I hear students whisper, chewing gum and some even clicking their heels. I try to ignore the sounds, ignore those people and instead I grab my history book and pretend to read it. I have no fucking clue what I am supposedly reading, but honestly I don't care. I'm just bluntly staring at the page while my mind is continually screaming: Zayn, Zayn, Zayn. It's fucking driving me crazy and it's been this way since Sunday. Since the kiss.

The teacher starts his class by asking some students about the homework. Thankfully, like basically every teacher, he doesn't ask me a question. And now as everyone is either paying attention or ignoring the teacher, I finally dare to look around me. From the corner of my eye I see Anna (who I still blame) nervously chewing on her pencil. Mikey is writing, or more likely drawing, in his history book. And there is probably a lot more nonsense going on, but luckily as far as I can see from the corner of my eye, hiding behind my history book, no one is looking in my direction.

Slowly I turn around even more to look in Zayn's direction. As silly as it may be, I want to see him; I want to see if he is here.

Completely startled I drop my book. Zayn is here. Zayn is staring directly at me.

I quickly grab my book and avert my gaze. Oh my...

The teacher is still talking about whatever, but I can only focus on Zayn's eyes. In that instant I saw so much. I don't know what I saw, but why was he looking at me? Does he feel the same way I do? Do we really like each other? What kind of feelings do I have exactly? Do I like him? Do I hate him? Am I in love with him? God... this is utterly confusing. I honestly don't know how I feel, nor how I can get through this day without screaming of crying; which seems to be a reoccurring event these days.

"... page 56, and try to answer the questions without reading the chapter first," mister Talma explains.

I attempt to read the first question when an all too familiar guy walks up to me.

"Can I sit next to you?"

For fuck's sake why does he has such a beautiful, smooth voice? Why can't I just hate him? Why, if I'm completely honest with myself, do I feel a little bit excited as he asks me this question? It's pathetic right? My instinct is telling me to say, no scream, yes, but you should know me by now. "And why would you do that?" I ask reluctant, still not quite meeting his gaze.