Unwanted Conversation

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Today was a great day honestly.
I spent time with my two best friends and I couldn't be happier. I am sitting in the dinning room enjoying my dinner, when Zende walks in from work I suppose. I try not to keep tabs on him.
"Your food is in the food warmer, if you want to eat" I inform him as I get up deciding to go finish my food in my room.
"Mandy, I think we need to talk"

"If it doesnt have anything to do with the trips then I'm not interested in conversing with you Zende"

"the trips?? Anyway, it does have a lot to do with our children. We can't keep doing this Amanda. I know how I treated you back then was wrong and I regretted it that very day. But then I had my reasons also. But now we have kids together and we have to show a united front so we can be great parents. "

" Are you saying im a bad mother! That's rich coming from you!" I scream at him.

" what's wrong with the female race, you misinterpret everything and turn it into a negative thing. I never said you are a bad mother Amanda. You are an awesome mother,and you know it. I'm just saying we need to move forward. I'm tired of eating alone because you run everytime I step in the same room as you. I even see how you look at me at times, it makes me feel like I'm a monster, I know I didnt speak to you well and I deeply regret it. For the sake of the children can we at least try to be friends, Atleast that's a start to what I have in mind"

"I don't want to be friends Zende, what I want from you is leave me the fuck alone, better yet move out from my house because I don't remember asking you to move in. You can't stay were you aren't wanted." I don't even know why I said that because I appreciate his help with the trips but with everything he said to me especially about my mom, it gets on my nerves that he thinks we can just move on from everything. Not happening, the fact that I still find him very attractive doesn't help matters also.

Zende just stares at me and I see I hurt his feelings, I don't get off on hurting other people's feelings, but my pride won't allow me to apologize or take my words back. At the back of my mind, that's exactly what I'm thinking. I sometimes get overwhelmed by his presence and that kiss we had the first day we came to this house still haunts my dreams at times. Even upto now we still haven't talked about it.

"Amanda I'm sorry but that's one thing I can't do, I love our children so much and I can't stay away from them including you. Don't you see how unhealthy it is that we stay in the same house and we don't talk at all except when I have to wake you up to feed the children? "

" Talking about feeding, I brought breast pumps today, so that won't be necessary too. All you have to do would be to heat the milk up and feed them without me there. So that's solved"
"So you really just don't want me around you huh?"

"I thought you would be happy about that, I thought you wanted to be there and hold them when they drink their milk. That's why I decided to go out today with Jay to buy the breast pump. It didn't have anything to do with my feelings towards you. It came from a good place. "

" But then there is a silver lining there for you too. You don't have to see me and you know I won't have any reason to come to your room since you so thoughtfully bought a pump. When are you going to stop punishing me for past things Mandy? I said I'm sorry, when will it be enough and so we can move on from that and start enjoying living together"
I sense that I'm about to get emotional and that's the last  thing I want him to see. I don't want to seem vulnerable to him. But I can't help it, I feel tears at the corners of my eyes and I turn and walk to the window and look outside.

"I honestly don't have an answer to that, I still don't understand what I did to get the treatment you subjected me to. Do you realise how hurtful and painful it was for you to talk about my mother. My mother long passed when I was young and for you to just throw it in my face like that was really hard to take in. So I'm sorry if I can't just accept your apology, my mother was really important to me. I would have taken all the insults but the moment you mentioned my mother Zende, that I can't just easily forget and to this day you still haven't told me what I did wrong to deserve that kind of treatment. What's worse also is i was the other woman, you had a whole fiance and you used me then threw me out once you felt satisfied"
He walk and stands behind me. He puts his hands on my shoulders. He is soo close that I can feel his breath on my neck.

"Amanda, I didn't know, I can't take back my words but know that I deeply regret saying those words to you. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you besides me moving out? Because I really enjoy seeing you everyday, it's not enough but I will take what I can. Can we at least start having dinner together. Please look at me."
I turn and look at him, he brings his right hand to my face and that's when I realise I'm crying when he wipes tears from my eyes.
He pulls me in for a hug and I'm hesitant at first but I accept it because it's what I needed at that that moment.

" I'm so sorry baby, hush now, I honestly thought your dad sent you to steal my plans like he did before,I didn't even know you were his daughter at first but I happened to come across his profile with all his children, now imagine my surprise when I see you with my worst enemy, it's no excuse I know for what I did, but please try to understand where I was coming from please"

He whispers as he rubs my back in circular motions while kissing the top of my head.
All that's left is hickups only.
He lifts my head with his hand so I can look him in the eyes.
We stare at each other for a while before his head lowers and his lips touch mine. My brain short circuits for a while. He starts moving his lips kissing me really gently and the gentleness is what got me. I started responding and I realized I missed being this connected with him.
He deepens the kiss and I wrap my arms around his waist as I move closer to him.
It's been so long since I had this kind of contact with anyone.
"Mandy" kiss"we have to stop"and he kisses me again. "the kids, Phoebe is crying"

I didn't even hear the sound of Phoebe until he mentioned it. Wow, I was so lost in passion that I did not even hear my daughter crying.

"ohhh, sorry" I rush upstairs to their room and I find Phoebe crying, Dylan and Jayden are up but thankfully they arent crying.
"I guess it's time you start feeding them, I will go put the milk bottles in warm water" as I leave the bedroom I hear what Zende says but I pretend to have not heard a thing.
"this isn't over Mandy, we will talk about the kiss downstairs"
I hurriedly rush downstairs to prepare the bottles and I'm back in less than 5 minutes. I bring in 2 bottles since I can feed Phoebe while Zende feeds Dylan and Jayden with the bottles.

I come back and I find Zende cuddling Phoebe, and it's the most beautiful thing ever. Father and daughter together. I decide to give him the bottle so he feeds her and I take Jayden, Dylan is the most chilled out of the trips he rarely crys but I don't let it neglect him or anything. I alternate them, if I fed Phoebe first 4 hours earlier I feed Dylan first next then Jayden the next four hours.

We stay at their room until they finish feeding and we burp them after feeding.
Dylan being the sweet kid he is he goes right back to sleep. That gives us the chance to bathe Phoebe and Jayden. I take Phoebe and Jayden downstairs while I leave Zende to bathe Dylan. What's shocking is he sleeps through bathe time. My sweet little boy.

...........

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