Counting Minutes | Gay MxM |

59. Destiny

A smile emerged on my lips when I turned my back on the mirror and walked to the door. The idea of blacking out and not having any control over myself had always scared me to the point it had become a huge obstacle in my life. I wasn't even sure what I was more afraid of, doing something that could cause me to have a panic attack, or the panic attack itself.

I mean, if I was alone and had a panic attack, no one would probably even notice it and knowing that had always terrified me. Having panic attacks, black-outs and aggressive phases still worried me, and I was still a bit scared of them, but at the same time, I now knew those were not the end of the world. I wasn't alone anymore. I had Blake to take care of me. He would soothe me down or call for help if he couldn't do it on his own, and that thought gave me confidence and peace of mind. It was so much easier to face my problems now that I knew he was there to catch me if I fell.

No... He was there to make sure I didn't fall.

I stepped out of the bathroom and spotted him by the balcony, looking out the window. I stopped to stare at him, my smile fading. It always hurt to see him stand there... He gave up so much to be with me...

"You remind me of a trapped eagle," I said quietly, clearly spooking him since he jumped a little.

"What?" he chuckled, turning around to look at me.

"A majestic creature in a cage – that's how I see you. Trapped here with me..."

"Well, the door is wide open," he said, nodding his head towards the said door. "I'm just waiting for my mate to spread his wings." When I didn't say a word, he walked over to me and wrapped his arms around my waist. "I'm waiting so I can fly with you," he murmured in my ear.

"You've had to wait for a long time now," I muttered back, but he put his finger under my chin to make me look up at him.

"You do remember that I've been in an actual cage before, right?" he chuckled. "Hi, I'm Blake. I used to steal things. This house is a five-star hotel compared to being in jail."

I couldn't stop the laugh from escaping my lips. He had such a boyish grin on his face that I couldn't dwell in the negative emotions any longer. "I remember now," I said with a smile, hugging him back.

I could feel his lips on my temple when he squeezed me tightly. "A majestic creature, huh?"

"Yes," I said, snuggling my head against his neck, taking in his scent. "I just hope you don't have any regrets..."

"Not a single one," he said softly. "One, I love you. Two, I love you. Three, I like your family and home. I'm so happy to share my life with you guys, and I don't miss my old life one bit."

He was so good at taking away the doubts I had... Before him, my mind was in such a tight knot that I didn't even know where to start opening it, but little by little, he had managed to untie that mess. And he knew how to keep that mess untangled.

I hugged him even tighter when the sudden happy emotions were trying to cause havoc inside me. I liked this kind of emotional turmoil. I loved having these strong feelings. And hope... And faith... And confidence... They made me feel so alive.

He held me for a while, caressing my back slowly, tenderly. I was so calm that I started feeling sleepy, and the warmth of his body was making it worse. Soon, opening my eyes became quite a task, but I succeeded. I pulled back just a little to see him smile at me.

And again, he looked at me like I was something amazing, but he was the amazing one.

"Do I have something on my face?" he chuckled.

"My lips," I murmured before kissing him.

He was clearly pleased with the attention I gave him, so I wasn't in a hurry to break it off. He deserved it. He had been so patient with me while I was fighting with myself, so now that I was finally able to function almost normally, I wanted to give him as much affection as I could.