52. I Want

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-Blake-

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-Blake-


Stepping outside the room was clearly one of the biggest obstacles Jordan had. I nearly panicked when I realized he was having a panic attack. I had known it could happen, but I was far from ready to see him go into that state. It had been so incredibly painful to hear him try to get air into his lungs, but the panic in his voice was even worse. I felt so weak at that moment. My instincts took over, and I scooped him up in my arms and carried him into his bedroom, trying to calm him down the best I could.

It took him hours before he was able to fall asleep that night. I couldn't sleep at all. I spent the rest of the night trying to figure out where we went wrong, and how we could make the next time go smoother. I feared he wouldn't want to try again, that his healing progress had been ruined, but at the same time, I knew he was stronger than that.

And then the morning came.

Jordan woke up slowly as I watched him carefully in the dim light. The sun wasn't going to rise in a while, so the room was pretty dark, but I still saw him opening his eyes. He seemed really tired after only a few hours of sleep.

"Good morning," I told him quietly.

"Morning," he muttered.

He didn't smile at me like he usually did. He didn't even kiss me. He just looked at me without moving or saying anything. His silence worried me, and as the seconds passed, his stare made me more insecure and anxious.

"How are you feeling?" I asked carefully.

He took a deep breath but didn't reply right away. I waited for him to speak, caressing his shoulder gently.

"There's something I need you to do," he then said.

"Anything you want, my love," I said.

"Good. You're not going to like it though, but I need you to do it without trying to change my mind, okay? I am too damn tired to start arguing about it," he spoke sternly.

I frowned at his words. I didn't like the sound of that. "What do you mean?"

"I need you to get rid of every single clock I have."

I think I stopped breathing. That was not what I expected him to say. Far from it. I could only stare at him in disbelief, hoping he'd say he was just kidding, but he didn't. My first instinct was to tell him no, absolutely not, but... I really didn't want to make him mad at me.

"W-What?" I asked.

"Throw them all away," he said without even blinking.

"Are you... sure?" I asked hesitantly, trying to think of a way to change his mind without making him angry.

"Yes. Just do it," he said. "Start with that damn alarm clock."

I turned to look at the clock on the nightstand. This was way too soon. It was way too much. Everything could be ruined if I did what he said. Did this request have something to do with how things went last night? I had the feeling the answer was yes... He was clearly disappointed with himself, maybe even angry. Why else would he so suddenly want to push his limits to the extreme?

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