I Didn't Want to Fall in Love With You (A Dylan Schmid/ Baelfire fanfiction)

Chapter Ten: Maybe I Deserve This

Maybe I Deserve This
"You're alive?" He whispered.
I nodded slowly and stood back unsure of how I wanted things to play out. "And you? Still a pirate who left his little sister to fend for herself?"
"You still mad about that?" He sighed rubbing the back of his head and turning his attention to the wet floorboards with their paint warped.
"Mad?" I laughed sarcastically. "I WAS. But now? I'm not so sure."
"What do you mean?"
I stood up and stared at him through the bars. "I don't know, this just isn't how I imagined being reunited with the person I never wanted to see again. Now I actually think it's acceptable, maybe I deserve this." I took a step back. "There had to be a reason right?" I chocked.
"Terran..."
"No, you couldn't just leave me. I had to have done something wrong..." I shook my head avoiding his eyes. "Something." I whispered. "But I could never figure out what. I wrapped my thoughts around the idea for so long Felix. So...so long. To the point where if anyone heard me, I would sound insane. So many voices, so many what if questions..."
I sat back down and rocked back and forth with the ship as Felix stood there gripping the rusty bars with his head laid on two of them as he seemed to be lost in thought. A while passed before his lost gaze turned towards me and barely a whisper escaped his dry, sea salt cracked lips, "I didn't want to leave you." I watched as he looked up and swallowed, the action everyone preformed when they attempted to swallow back tears. "I ran through my options every night, wondering the pros and the cons of each attempted escape. Every single plan involved leaving you, which fell into the con category. But the more I thought, the more I lay restless at night, starving myself to feed you, it seemed better than staying." He swallowed again. "I regretted it. Soon as I stepped out into the cold night I regretted leaving you behind."
"Then why didn't you come back?" I spat.
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."
"Indulge me for a moment if you would."
"I can't."
"Can't ? Or won't?"
"Terran you have to believe me when I tell you that I miss you."
"If that were true you would've unlocked this cell by now, I would be fleeing back to the Jolly Roger and I would be in the arms of the only person who understands me, Baelfire."
I almost regretted spitting it out, but I did want him. It was clear now, that I was in love with Bae, but it was too late. I would be sent to Neverland to kill innocent people, to become apart of some bigger plan, and I would never see Bae again, except that in the comfort of my own dreams. The more I thought about it, the more I could feel myself tumbling down a steep, rocky hill of emotions. And for the first time, I didn't mind. I didn't care that I was on a whirlwind roller coaster.
But I feared it was too late. Baelfire was slowly dying, because of me.