I Didn't Want to Fall in Love With You (A Dylan Schmid/ Baelfire fanfiction)

Chapter 26: I didnt want to fall in love with you.

An animal's natural instinct is to run when they feel threatened or hurt. My lungs were burning now, my knees were giving way and my breaths were short and sharp. I was more of dragging myself along than running. My arms were out in front of me, pushing away branches and occasionally wiping away tears that ran down my face.
I don't remember how long I was running, or if I made it far from where Felix and the others were camped out for the night, but the moment I hit the ground was the moment I gave up. Everything came rushing back through me. The moment we first met, how he lead me to safety. The moment I realized I'd been betrayed. The feeling of his lips pressed roughly against mine. It wasn't much, but it meant something to me.
I tried so hard to take deep breaths, but it felt like water filling my lungs. And I'm all too familiar with the feeling of drowning, and it's not pleasant. Not like the view of the waves lapping not against the shore, or the sun glittering across the tops. It was the feeling of being pulled under, unable to grasp anything that your hands wouldn't glide through, the feeling of losing your footing when you finally reached land, it was the feeling of the world crumbling on top of you. And it was terrible.
This was terrible. This was in fact worse. At least when your underwater your subconscious will tell you that you will not breath, not until darkness has consumed you and you must give in. Here I was, laying in the ground trying so hard to breath, but I couldn't. And I felt myself dying.
I felt the wet earth beneath me and knew it shouldn't have been wet in the sun that wrapped it's rays around my back. The sun held me tight, and the ground gave me something to hold onto that I shouldn't have been able to, because I didn't deserve it. I didn't deserve to have a strong structure, I needed water. I needed it desperately. I needed it as much as I needed it when I tried to leave the first time.
But the world thought otherwise, and as I drifted farther underwater, a greater force pushed me back up to the surface. To something greater. To Baelfire.
It was then that I realized the guilt that was eating me alive. Clawing at my insides. Eating my organs. Cutting off circulation to my heart. It was unbearable. And it was also at this moment that I realized that I wasn't crying because of Peter, I was crying because of Bae. I was suffocating myself from tears because I so desperately wanted the feeling of him, I wanted it so badly that I had substituted him. And what a foolish mistake that was. Because of Baelfire, not only was Peter dead, but I was dead.
I was dead, because I didn't want to fall in love with him.

Some moments later, when the spinning finally stopped, and the world came to a halt did I finally hear mumbled words. "It's okay, I'm here."
I looked around, desperate to find the voice. My eyes darted around, searching. But part of me knew there was nothing there, and that another part of me had created the voice to ease my pain. But as I let my body fall to the ground, did I see a figure approach from behind me. It was Peter.

A/N: hello my lovelies. I hope you're enjoying the book so far. Now I would like to hear some of your thoughts. Is Peter alive? Do you want him to be? Should he come MORE in between Bae and Terran if he is?