I Didn't Want to Fall in Love With You (A Dylan Schmid/ Baelfire fanfiction)

Chapter Five: I longed to be with them, no him.

I longed to be with them, no him.

My stomach churned with anger, how could he say that? How could he push me away? I stood up as the tears burned at the corners of my eyes. I turned and headed towards the door stomping my heels against the deck. I placed my hand on the knob and turned to

catch one last glimpse of Bae before leaving. When my head barely turned and I could see him in my peripheral vision, I wish I hadn't, he was lying in the bed with his head turned downwards. Looking away from me.

I watched as a single tear rolled down his cheek and I swear the sound in my ears came from my heart ripping in two. He doesn't want to hurt me, but he is. I can sense deep inside him that he wants to be the hero and protect the damsel in distress. I am no damsel in distress, I CAN take care of myself.

I snapped my head forward and stepped out of the room, slamming the door behind me. That was sure to send the message across to Bae that I was pissed off with him. I hated watching him break, yet I enjoyed it. I loved to see the people I love go through the same hurt that I do, so maybe they could understand what it was that I was feeling.

When I made it on deck, I spotted Hook on the other end near the entryway that lead to my cabin. He was talking with the woman I saw in his bed, she was crying and yelling. She reached out her hand and slapped him, he turned to the side making a big show of it. It wasn't until she got fed up and left that I realized he wanted her to leave. I smiled to myself thinking of how clever this man was, then remembered what was going on with myself. I turned away and crossed to the side of the deck where Mr. Smee was waiting patiently for any orders.

He was twisting his thumbs and had a slight bounce back and forth almost as if he were nervous about something. When I approached him, and waved my hands in front of his face, he finally snapped his attention to me. The look of worry, never subsiding.

"Smee, I need you to look after Bae." I stated in a direct tone. Even the mention of his name broke my courage. "Upon his request..." I added.

"Is everything alright? I believe the Captain assigned you to that task?" his voice was barely audible as if he didn't want to get in trouble for saying 'the Captain'.

"He believes it best for my safety if you oversee this task, not I." my voice faltered, and tears were beginning to form. My nose stung and I turned on my heel and quickly stumbled back to my cabin. Hook was no longer blocking the doorway with his catch of the night.

I was hurrying so quickly down the stairs, that I caught my foot and fell face first, landing on a couple of burlap sacks that were stacked. My head ached, and I moaned as I rolled over and unhooked my foot from the stairs. I didn't bother to hold in the tears this time. They just kept coming and coming, I'd stop and take breath to calm myself down, then I'd continue to cry without realizing I had started again.

Night soon fell upon the lonely cabin below deck, and I could hear the muffled cheers of the pirates leaving for their little trip to the Tavern. I longed to go with them, but I knew I wouldn't be accepted there as merely a child. I knew last time it was appropriate because I had Bae with me, and knew he would protect me at the drop of a needle. Now, I wasn't so sure. Thinking of Bae, I crossed my arms and applied pressure on my stomach to hopefully stop the pain that was forming. I kept my eyes close to stop the migraine I could feel pounding at my head. Light pounds, with a heart beat.

Light pounds? That wasn't coming from my beating heart, that was the sound of footsteps trailing down the stairs. MY stairs. I shuffled in pain and moaned, "Go away Hook."

"It's not Hook."

I opened my eyes and turned around to face a very calm Bae, with a splotchy face, and bloodshot eyes. He sniffed, and shifted on his feet uncomfortably. One arm dangled to the side, and the other was grabbing ahold of his bicep. His attention was turned to the ground and he seemed as if he were studying a plank of wood.

"I-I'm sorry." he stammered.

"Sorry?" my voice cracked. I pulled my knees to my chest. "Are you kidding me? You're sorry? Sorry for what, why don't you enlighten me on what it is that you're "sorry" for."

"Ter I," he tried, but I cut him off.

"Maybe you're sorry for me. Maybe you saw me as some little girl who needed help. THAT'S why you let me win. Maybe you're a liar, you 'promised' me that you would never do anything like my father!" I was yelling now. "Sorry for letting me open up to you! When all you did in turn was twist the tables and made ME feel like an idiot!"

He bit his lip and closed his eyes momentarily. He looked up at the ceiling and swallowed the lump now rising in his throat. "Terran, that wasn't me..."

"Wasn't you Bae? I'd like to believe that. You know, you're the first person I told my past to since the orphanage! I got caught Bae! I looked stupid and helpless, they clamped cuffs on me and dragged me away! They hurt me, worse than my father had, but this. This is the worst pain of all. I've been burned, and whipped and taken advantage of;" I stopped, my voice barely a whisper now. "but nothing has amounted to the pain I feel when I look in your eyes, and see how sad and lonely they are. I wish I felt something other than pity for you now, but that's just not the case."

He walked over to the opposite bench, and whispered, "No amount of sorry will forgive what I've done. Asking for belief in me is a huge leap that you don't want to take, but I ask you to at least listen to what I have to say. It wasn't me," he leaned forward and held his hands together on his knees. "I swear to God that I never wanted to hurt you. The moment you arrived on this VERY ship was the moment that I had understood the great loss that my father went through when he lost his love Milah. I looked in your eyes, and I saw courage. I saw bravery, I knew you and I would be great companions, and now I realize that I've totally screwed us over. I hope you can believe my words, and I realize that's all they are now, just words. I'm not asking you to forgive me, I'm not asking you to look at me like some injured animal who lost his way in the woods. Hell you don't even HAVE to listen to me, you've probably already blocked me out, just know that what I'm saying IS true. I love you."