I Didn't Want to Fall in Love With You (A Dylan Schmid/ Baelfire fanfiction)

Chapter 18: If I die Tonight

"Bae?" my voice cracked at the mention of his name. His eyes fell to the ground, he was watching us, for how long I don't know. His mouth was open, it was moving as if he were trying to form words but couldn't make them out. "Please. Wait."
   Tears were sliding across my cheeks, as I ran forward trying to reach him, but he had a head start. I could catch glimpses of him, just enough skin to see which direction he turned. My heart pounded in my ears, as I called out his name over and over again. I could feel the tears catching in my throat at the mention of him.
   I let the thoughts run rapid through my head, I didn't know what I was going to say to him if I even caught up to him. Something along the lines of, "It's not what you think." or "I did it for you, everything I did was for you." I kept thinking that nothing I could say would make it better, he saw what he saw and it was killing me. I knew that he was probably locked up, being tortured, to save me. Everything he did, everything he went through, was to help me. And here I was throwing it in his face, as if I didn't think of him every waking moment. As if I didn't think of him in the moments I was with Peter. 
   Everything I wanted, was slipping from my grasp. The tears were too much, I couldn't see anymore, I couldn't find him. I had lost, I lost the ONLY thing that was important to me. I tripped on an upturned rock, I fell with my hands in front of my face. Dirt covered my mouth and running nose, I laid there, not wanting to get up. Not wanting to make things better, I screwed up big time, this was something that could not be fixed.
   "Bae," I called out to myself. "I'm so sorry." tears filled my mouth. "Bae please, I'm so sorry. I wanted nothing more than to save you. I thought of you, in everything I did, I was thinking of you. Bae please, please forgive me. Please."
   I looked up at the overhanging branches, "Please forgive me for what I've done to you, for what I've let happen to you. I need you Bae. I need you like I need air, to fill up and breath. Without you, I don't want to live."

   I closed my eyes. I could feel blood trickle down my ankle, and a sharp pain shot through my shin. Now that I was focused on my leg, I could feel it throbbing. I let my uneven breaths out, it hurt to breath and I couldn't tell if it was because I needed help or if it was because I needed Bae. 
   I let the tears fall down my cheeks, they were warm and sticky, but they felt nice against my dirt covered skin. All of a sudden I felt someone sit down next to me, their body was sunken into the ground near my waist. I opened my eyes, just barely, enough to see him sitting next to me.
   His upper body was bare, his face covered in blood. I smiled and let out a sob. He opened his arms just in time to hold me as I sat up and embraced him. I pulled my knees to my chest and laid there for a minute. We were both crying on each other's shoulders. I held my fingers in his dirty hair, he held his on my back. He pulled me up closer to him and I felt like I could finally breath. My ankle stopped throbbing for the moment.
   "Bae, I'm so-so-so sorry." I began but he placed his lips on mine quicker than I thought he would've.
   "I know," he whispered when we pulled apart. When Bae and I kissed it was different, his kisses were sweet and soft and passionate. Peter's were addicting, you wanted them so fast that you didn't even have time to savor the taste before it was gone. I preferred Bae's.
   I let a weak smile pass on my lips before Bae smiled and landed his on my lips again. This seemed so unreal, I couldn't believe he was in my arms, I couldn't believe that I was holding him.
   He pulled away and rested his chin in the crook of my shoulder as I ran my hands gingerly down his back. I started at his neck and slowly made my way down. I tried to imagine how much he loved me in order to let someone do this to him. I had to hold back sobs as I felt the welts. There were so many that his skin didn't feel like skin anymore. It was still soft and young, but it was used. It was worn out.

I stopped when I reached the small of his back. I was about to move my hand away, but his hand moved from in between my shoulder blades to where my hand lingered. He nodded and placed my hand on his back again.
   "I want you to know," he began.
   "Shhh," I whispered, leaning my head into his neck. "I don't want you to go." I kissed the crook of his neck and I felt his back muscles tense under my skin.
   "Please," he whispered back. "You need to know something."
   I nodded and let him continue, "I saw what happened but I know something that you wish I knew." he kissed my neck gingerly. "I also know something that you don't want to know."
   He let my hand go and I pulled it off of his back and pulled away to look him in the eyes. "I know that you did what you did to protect me."
   I nodded. "I also want you to know that I didn't escape. I was let go, only for a while, only to let you know that the Blue Fairy knows. And she's going to kill me, if you don't find a way to help Peter succeed. If she doesn't kill me, she says she's going to kill you, that's why I have to go back now."

I shook my head furiously. "No, please Bae." I pulled him back into a hug. "Please don't go."
   "I have to," he whispered, his lips brushing my ear. "I have to go back for you, just like you have to go back to Peter for me."
   I shook my head again. His lips brushed my neck, then right under my jaw. "I know you don't want to, but listen to me, we're going to find a way out of this together. I promise."
   His arms loosened around my body, and he began to stand up. He pulled me to my feet and we shared one more long, slow kiss before he said, "I love you, and if I die tonight and I don't see you tomorrow I want you to know I will you see you in another life and we will meet again, and we will experience pleasures that we never did before."

A tear fell down my face as I watched him turn and walk away from me. This time it hurt more, because I knew I could go after him, but I also knew that I couldn't.