Counting Minutes | Gay MxM |

10. Letting In

I peered from behind my painting. Blake was still there, smiling at me behind the glass wall. He had that overcompensating thing going on. He was big, tall, and at least he looked strong. He was a man by every definition there was. And, the first thing crossing my mind was that he definitely wasn't bad to look at.

Blake started to write something again, making me snap out of my thoughts. I stepped out from my hiding place, eagerly waiting to see what he was going to say next.

I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.

"Are you gay?" I asked, even though it was quite obvious he was.

I'm bi actually. You?

Blake had a hopeful look in his eyes when he stared at me. I was straight of course! I had never questioned my sexuality. Well, I had never even thought about it. I couldn't be close to anyone, so it didn't matter what my sexuality was.

I gave him a short shrug. Blake nodded and didn't ask more about my preferences.

The conversation died after that. I turned my attention to my painting and tried to find something to fix, but I was happy with it. I had to wait for it to dry thoroughly before I could leave it by the door for someone to pick it up next time they left food for me.

I needed to make my own food, but I couldn't just go visit the grocery store. I needed my family to help me with that. Sometimes, I ordered new clothes or something else I needed online, but mostly it was my family who was running the errands for me. They weren't allowed to come into my rooms, so they always left everything by the door.

I turned to look at the door for a short moment. I wanted to go out, more than anything, but even the thought of it made me lose my breath. I hated the way I was, and even more, I hated my unnatural behavior.

My thoughts were interrupted when I heard a silent knock on my wall. I turned to look at Blake, who was worried again. I gave him a reassuring smile and stepped closer to the wall.

"So, how come you don't have a last name?" I asked.

Blake laughed a little before he started writing again. This time it took him a long time to write, and I was getting slightly annoyed. I turned to look at my front door, wishing with every fiber in my body I could just step out of it already while waiting for Blake to finish what he was writing. When I turned to look back at him, he was still writing.

"You know what?" I muttered, even though Blake didn't see me, and walked to the door of my balcony.

I didn't even hesitate when I opened the lock and pushed it open. I saw Blake's head snapping towards me when he heard the door swinging open with a tiny squeak. It was at that moment when I fully realized what I had just done, and my nervousness almost strangled me on the spot. What on earth was I doing?! I didn't want to open the door! Why did I open it?! My body just acted on its own, and now I was so screwed.

"You have to promise me you won't come inside," I said timidly and backed away from the door, knowing awfully well that I may have just made the biggest mistake of my life by not shutting the door. At that moment, for some reason, I just didn't care, not really. My family was home, so they would hear me scream and come for my aid if Blake was planning on doing something bad to me. Besides, he already had the opportunity to do anything he wanted to me a week ago, but he didn't hurt me.

Blake was staring at me for a long time. He was clearly shocked, and unable to move. Then, when I had my back against the opposite wall of my living room, he put his notebook away and slowly walked to the door.

"So," I said, looking away from Blake, "why don't you have a last name?"

Blake didn't reply to me at first. I couldn't even look in his direction, but at least I wasn't fainting or blacking out. My heart was racing, and my breathing was just shallow panting, but I was handling the situation. Kind of.