The Light To His Lies (Loki)

F O R T Y - O N E

I find that when no light can reach me, I lose track of the days rather quickly.

I knew that a great amount of time passed, or maybe none at all, because each second in Thanos hands was like a thousand years. I reached the conclusion that I'd been in the Mad Titan's clutches for at least a month now, or maybe a year, maybe an hour.

I can never tell.

I am sure of one thing: Thanos has to be wrong about me. I do not possess the power he searches for, whatever he thinks I contain within me has not been awakened, I haven't shown any sign at all. I don't know whether to be terrified or relieved. But he still had overwhelming patience with me, still did not relent with the instruments of torment and the illusions.  Most days I can't tell what's real and what's fake, which scars are just my imagination and which ones are the real thing. It's maddening, really, trying to decipher reality from what's been implanted in my head. He showed me visions of a life a could've had with Loki, realities where Loki never knew he was a Frost Giant, when I never met the Avengers, he showed me visions of Loki himself torturing me, but I always knew it wasn't real.

In those visions, Loki's eyes glimmered in a way it never would, it was always small things that made me figure it out: His eyes were kelly green instead of emerald, he said something that he never would in reality, it turned out to be funny, really, how easy it was to realize that Loki was fake. I can tell it was driving Thanos mad. It matters not if I know if it is real or unreal though, I still feel pain as much as I do in reality.

My memories began to clash together, in the blessed moments of solitude I had, I tried to recollect my memories before Thanos. The people I cared about, the people who cared for me. Now I can't even remember if I even had that. Some memories told me I'd been starved,  abused, neglected, some told me I'd never had a care in the world.

Some of the faces I could recall I couldn't place a name, I remember a man with long, blonde hair, but his name dissolved on my tongue, and each time I thought of him his memory drifted further away from me. It pains me that I can't even remember if he was worth remembering.

And even as I show no proof of the power Thanos thinks I have, still he continues with the mind games. To break me into a shell of memory and derive me of my morals. But what good is a mindless slave that cannot benefit you? Will he eventually put me out of my misery when he realizes it?

I'm not unconscious this time when Thanos enters the chamber, his daughter standing in her usual position behind a panel of light with symbols and charts on its display I can't identify. I didn't even notice that she'd been standing in the room with me until the Mad Titan had walked into the room. "Is it ready?" Thanos demands gruffly. Skipping any pleasantries, can't say I'm exactly disappointed. I force my heavy eye lids open so I can peer at him from my levitation chamber, or whatever the hell I'm in. "What? No hello, good morning, how's your day been?" I sneer, my throat scratchy and my voice gravelly. From screaming or dehydration? Both?

The blue-skinned girl I've learned to be Nebula doesn't give me a look of warning like she used to, she's probably accepted now that I'm too stupid to listen to reason. Thanos doesn't even spare me a glance, just continues to stare at his daughter and wait for her reply, the fact that he doesn't even bother to taunt me back sends a shiver down my spine. "Yes father, I've made all the preparations. Everything is ready." Nebula told him, and I direct my head back toward the ebony ceiling, squeezing my eyes shut and bracing myself for what's about to come.

"Perfect. Release her arm restraints before you begin." Thanos orders Nebula, referring to the iron shackles that encase my hands completely. Confusion sparked up within me but I pushed it down, knowing I need to prepare myself for whats to come. "But father, those gauntlets..." "I know what they do, you need not remind me. Release them," Thanos demanded, venom in his tone. Another shiver ran down my spine, Thanos was definitely in a foul mood, that couldn't be good for anybody. Most especially the girl in his clutches, which happens to be me.