TAKING IN🦋

XXVII- TAKING IN *WANT TO BE LOVED BY YOU*

July 7, 2019

STAR'S POV

"Oh baby, are you okay?" My grandmother asks and I can't help the shaky sigh that leaves my lips as I try not to make it so obvious that I can't stop crying like a pathetic idiot

I am a pathetic idiot.

"Yeah, yeah I am" I answer, unable to fake sounding a little cheerful

To be honest, I just want to be sad and cry in peace.

"You're not. I can hear you crying Star, are you just going to keep doing that all week?" She asks and I wonder why I even try hiding things from her when she knows them anyways

Besides, I already explained what happened with Logan and I didn't exactly hide how devastated I was when I was explaining some days ago.

I'd literally just cried on the phone for a long time and she'd just stayed with me on the line, occasionally saying comforting words that did little to soothe the deep hurt I felt.

I love her for trying though.

"I'm not crying" I say, my words coming out in breathy gasps as I wipe my face clean

"I know you're feeling terrible right now sweetie but it's going to be okay, you know that right?"

"She's not coming home though" I say, feeling the tears fill my eyes once again and come raining down "I was really stupid and I really hurt her feelings and she's not coming back" At this point, I don't even care that I'm basically sobbing out words

This is how most of our calls end nowadays anyways.

"She's going to come back and you can talk to her then. You both made mistakes but it's not something that can't be fixed sweetie. You're both still young and figuring things out, it's okay to make mistakes along the way and it's okay if you get hurt while making mistakes but it's going to be better as long as you both work to fix it" she says and her words sound so unbelievable at the moment that it just makes me cry harder

Cause it's Logan.

And sometimes, Logan prefers to run away from things.

From people, from pain and heart aches.

I'm scared she'll run away from me too.

"I'm going to stop asking that you stop crying cause I know you're hurting and can't help it but you're not going to get better like this dear. You've been sick for a while and you're not taking care of your health, can you please go to the hospital at least?"

I'd love to do that.

I'd love to forget about everything and completely focus on taking care of my health.

Focus on getting better but I can't seem to achieve that.

Honestly, I can't even get up right now.

My heart hurts so bad, it feels impossible to get myself to be in any position other than laying folded into myself on the bed.

Even though I'm so thirsty, I can't bring myself to get up and go get water and even though every part of me hurts so bad, I can't bring myself to get some food, eat, take some medicine and sleep.

Cause my heart just hurts so bad.

"I'm fine Mrs Kingsley"

"No you're not. You're sick and you're sad but at least take care of your health first? If not, I'll come there myself"

"I'm really fine, okay? I just...I'm tired so...I should sleep or something" I say, hoping she'd let me get off the call

"Okay. Eat something first okay? And take some medicine. I'll worry otherwise" she says and I sigh