Viciously in Love

Six.

   I put the book in my hands aside and I close my eyes. I love this book. I've read it dozens of times. But I just can't seem to focus. Everytime I try to do that, my head goes to wrong places. Like Jake. I don't know why but I can't stop thinking about him. It's driving me crazy. I think it's because he abandoned me at school. I can't think of any other reason. I refuse to believe there is any other reason.

   "Nicole?" Liz's voice, fortunately, gets me out of my thoughts. "Have you seen Jake? I can't find him anywhere and he is not answering his phone."

   "No, I haven't seen him. Maybe he hasn't come home yet." I say raising my shoulders. 

   "What do you mean he hasn't come home yet? Didn't you two come home together from school?" she says frowning but I can see the concern in her eyes. Maybe even a little anger.

   "No. I walked. He left early. Maybe he had some stuff to do. It's fine."

   As mad as I am at Jake, I don't want to blame him in front of his mom. Even it is his fault. Or not. Maybe something came up. But still, he could've told me.

   "You were supposed to come home together. I specifically told him that. He promised." Liz seems pretty mad at Jake. She puts her heart too much into this. Even though he's her son. He doesn't care.

   "It's fine. Really. I took a walk and I cleared my head. It felt good. Plus, maybe he had a problem."

   I can't believe I'm defending him like this. He's a jerk. He doesn't disserve anyone to care about him the way this woman does. The way anyone does.

  "There is no excuse. He made a promise and he broke it." she says hurt and disappointed.

   Congratulations Jake! You fucked up! You hurt people even when you're not around!

   The front door opens and Jake casually walks in like nothing ever happened.

   "Where have you been?" Liz's voice seems different. Almost cold.

   "Out." he answers plain.

   Even now, when the woman who gave life to him stands in front of him looking mad, hurt and disappointed, he still doesn't care. Who broke you?

   "You better have a good reason for being a jerk to this girl." she says raising her voice.

   "Liz..."

   "Jerk?" he covers my voice while getting closer.

   "Jerk." she repeats making him frown. "I asked you to take care of her. Why do you have to be so stubborn? You said you don't want to babysit anyone and I tried to understand you. I really did. And I actually thought we made a compromise - you're going to school together and you come home together. Is it really that hard? Am I asking for too much?"

   "What's the big deal? She's fine. She walked home. Poor girl." he says almost yelling.

   "It's not about her." she raises her voice again to cover him. "It's about you. Breaking promises. Skipping school. Lying. Mocking me." she adds with her voice shaking. She is about to cry.

   "I never lied and I never mocked you. And I never will."

   He is hurt. I can see it in his eyes.

   "But I don't think I should even bother anymore. It's obvious you don't believe me anymore and you have other priorities." he says looking at me.

   I look away trying to lift the weight off my chest but I just can't seem to do it. Probably because of what I just did. I ruined their relationship. They were pretty much apart before... Now I only made it worse.

   I finally get the courage to look up only to see Liz sobbing and Jake walking up the stairs angry. I see Liz broken and I can't help but think of her happy. It's so easy to hurt her. She is so sensible, delicate.

   I screwed up. I know that. But I had no idea what was about to happen. I didn't know their relationship would break like this. I had no idea it would hurt them like this.

   "I'm so sorry, Liz. I didn't mean to..."

   "It's ok sweetheart. It's not your fault. He needs to grow up and take responsibility for his actions. Don't do that for him. It's going to break you both." she says comforting me.

I hate myself.