Viciously in Love

Fifty eight.

Song for this chapter: I'll Be Good - Jaymes Young

   I knock at the door and I feel a lump in my throat. This is it. It's now or never.

   He opens the door and looks at me then tries to slam it in my face.

   "I want to talk." I stop him. "Please?" I say it more like a question.

   He looks at me one more time then laughs and lets me walk into his room. It's dark, and everything is a mess. I turn around and I look at him waiting for him to say something.

   "Talk." he throws it in my face.

   "I lied." I say almost whispering. "I lied when I said I never loved you." I say and he frowns. "It was wrong. I know that. I know I hurt you and I feel horrible because that's exactly what I was trying to do..."

   "What?" he interrupts me. "So all those words..."

   "I was lying. I didn't mean anything.  I love you. I really do. I love you with every shred of my soul. I always did..." I take a steps towards him but he steps back keeping the distance. "Jake..."

   "You wanted to hurt me?" he frowns and looks at me mad. "What the hell..."

   "So you can feel it too." I yell covering him. "So you can understand how bad it hurts when the person you love the most doesn't give a damn about you." I say my voice beginning to break.

   "The thing is..." he comes closer. "I always did. I always gave a damn about you, Nicole."

   "And yet you were always trying to hurt me." I say making him swallow his words. "And you succeeded everytime... I did it once, to teach you a lesson, and I feel horrible because of it... and yet I'm the bad guy?" I raise my voice.

   "You wanted to break my heart!" he screams in my face.

   "So did you!" I scream too.

   He takes a few steps around the room to calm down and I take a few steps back to take some distance.

   I'm not scared of him.

   "Everytime I "hurt" you... all I wanted to do is make sure I'm not the one suffering at the end. But you... you wanted to break me and nothing more." he comes closer until I'm stuck between him and the wall. "You knew exactly what to say. You knew where to hit so it can hurt..."

   "I learned from the best." I interrupt him. "That's exactly what you did. Every single time."

   "I was defending myself." he screams and punches the wall next to me. "You wanted to break me. I wanted to hurt you. There's a big difference."

   "Jake." I grab his face with my hands. "You lied and hurt people around you because you were being selfish. You don't have the right to be mad now."

   He takes my hands off his face and takes a step back.

   "I said I'm sorry."

   "So did I."

   "I didn't mean to hurt anyone." he raises his voice.

   "Me neither." I yell covering him. "I hated doing this to you. I knew exactly what I was saying, yeah... I knew where to kick so it can hurt... but it doesn't mean I liked it." I get closer. "I didn't want to hurt you because I knew you love me and that will break you. I didn't want to hurt you because I love you." I grab his face again. "I didn't want to hurt you. I'm sorry I did it and I swear to you, I'll never do it again."

   "Why are you saying this? Why are you here?" he takes a step back. "Weren't you supposed to be mad at me?"

   "I am. I hate you a little bit for what you did." I look him in the eyes and see some hope which makes me smile. "I talked to Kelly and we both made some decisions... We love you two idiots too much to give up on you." I sigh trying to hold onto my tears.

   "You still love me?" he asks and I start laughing.

   "Haven't you been listening?" I get closer and I stick my forehead to his. "I hurt you because I wanted you to see what I go through everytime you screw up."

   "And you still find the strength to forgive me." he frowns. "How?"

   "I love you with every single shred of my soul."

   "And that's enough?" he wipes a tear off my cheek.

   "Yeah." I smile a little.

   "How can you be so strong?" he tosses a strand of hair over my ear.

   "I have you." I sigh. "You hurt me and you help me be strong at the same time."

   "How do I do that?" he frowns but I smile.

   "You love me?" I say it more like a question.

   "I love you." he agrees. "I love you with every shred of my soul."

   I kiss him and he immediately answers. We're both crying, but it doesn't matter. It hurts, but it doesn't matter. He matters.

   He raises me off the floor and I cross my feet around his body. He walks to the bed then sits down. And we kiss. That's it. That's all I need. That's all I want.