BETTER

Chapter 10

Ana

A knock at my front door startles me as I get up to see who it is, I wipe my eyes and try to fix my hair so that I look as normal as possible, I don't want people to see me crying, I hate the fake sympathy that they show, I hate it.

As soon as I open the door I regret my decision, it's Sam and I'm in no mood to have another fight with him, actually I don't have the energy to fight anyone right now, I'm tired, both physically and emotionally.

"What do you want Sam?" I ask in annoyance "I'm sorry" he blurts out of the blue and my eyes go wide "What?" I ask in shock "I'm sorry for what I did with Blake and I'm sorry for treating you like that, you don't deserve all this shit" he explains and I stare into his blue eyes trying to figure out if he's lying or not.

His eyes appear glossy and I could see the sadness in them, maybe he really is sorry, maybe.

"Sam I-" he cuts me off  "Ana you don't have to forgive me...... and it's not like I wouldn't like it..... it's just that I know I don't deserve it, I don't deserve your forgiveness" he says looking down at his feet, avoiding eye contact.

I don't know how I feel about this, I don't know if I should believe him or not but maybe he really is sorry and besides that I don't want someone like Blake to be the reason behind my breakup with Sam, I don't want to breakup with my boyfriend for a boy who thinks so low of me, I know mine and Sam's relationship isn't perfect and Sam doesn't think really high of me but he's all I got right now and having him would be better than being alone I guess.

"But I've already decided to forgive you" I say in a small voice and he looks up at me with happiness filled in his eyes "And I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have hung out with Blake" I admit, it's true though, Sam stopped hanging out with Lizzie for the sake of our relationship but I didn't do the same, I kept finding ways to talk to Blake.

"It's alright, I'm glad you forgave me" he says and steps closer to me "I'm glad you came" I say biting my lip and he exhales "Have you been crying?" He questions placing his finger under my chin and making me look up at him, he takes in my profile, examining my face before finally coming to his conclusion.

"You were crying" he declares "Was it because of me?" He asks, unsure of what to say I look away from him, I wasn't crying because of him but I can't tell him that, I can't tell him that I was crying because of Blake.

"I'm sorry" he says again and I give him a slight nod keeping my gaze down at my feet, his hands travel down to my waist, tugging me closer to him he places a soft kiss on my forehead, a gesture he's never done before.

I invite him in and close the door, he looks at me intently and I decide to take the first step here, closing the distance between us I land my lips on his slowly, trying to devour the moment I tangle my arms around his neck and kiss him, his arms tighten around me as we kiss slowly yet passionately.

Where's the passion though?
Where's the fire?

I know it's wrong of me to think about him while kissing Sam but my mind can't help but wander back to the memory of feeling Blake's lips against mine, his hand on my waist and the fire that ignites inside me with every touch of his.

Stop thinking about Blake

Our gentle kissing turns to one filled with lust and he starts unbuttoning my shirt, I want to stop him, I want to tell him that I'm not in the mood but I also need a distraction from Blake and only Sam can do that.

                      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My life has been hell for the last two weeks and I don't know who I'm supposed to blame..... Blake, Sam or myself ?

It's 2 am and I'm still wide awake thinking about what happened yesterday with Blake and Sam, my mind is in a confused state right now and I don't know how I'm supposed to clear this confusion...... this mess.

Lizzie's words were aimed to insult me but Blake's behaviour hurt me, his simple nod made me feel so low of myself, when he followed me I thought he might apologize for real but it turned out his apology was one I never wanted..... or maybe I did.

I'm not gonna lie to myself here but kissing him makes me feel something I've never felt before and I enjoyed it but he kissed me to get even, he didn't kiss me because he wanted to or felt like it, he just wanted to get even, do the same thing I did with him in Will's party all with the pathetic excuse of showing that he was sorry.

But what if  you're wrong? What if he really just wanted to kiss you?

I shake my head trying to clear the thoughts clouding my mind but what if I am mistaking his intentions?
Was he really sorry? Did the kiss really mean something to him?

Maybe I'm just being delusional..... but I've got Sam to worry about now, as much as I'm surprised by his apology and his behaviour I can't help but get a little suspicious on him and his true intentions.

But I kinda had no other choice, he's the only one who can distract me from Blake, he's my distraction.