BETTER

Chapter 31

Ana

I didn't think it was possible for me to cry over someone like Blake but here I was locked up in my room crying my eyes out.

Why is it always me? Will I ever have a happy ending? Why is my life such a mess?

I've confessed my feelings to Blake, I've told him that I like him but it's clear he's not interested in me anymore and I think it's my fault, I pushed him away when he wanted to be with me and now that I'm actually willing to give us a shot he's acting all distant towards me, he didn't even acknowledge me properly... his eyes were on her, his smile was for her, he seemed so affectionate towards her and so distant towars me.

It hurt, it hurt so bad to see him with another girl and I guess he felt the same way everytime he saw me with Sam... I now know how terrible he must've felt seeing me and Sam together.

I am at fault here, I guess I'll always be at fault ; I was so into myself and my problems that I pushed away the one man who truly cared about me, who actually liked me for who I was and not for how sexy I looked everytime I went out with him.

I buried my face in my hands and groaned in frustration. I'm supposed to be that girl who doesn't give a damn about what anyone says or thinks about her but here I am crying over boys.

After what Will told me about Sam, I went to meet him at his apartment yesterday, he seemed dejected and in very low spirits. I offered to go out with him to freshen up his mood but he had something else on his mind, he tried to kiss me... actually he did kiss me but it was very short and I stopped him before he could make it sensuous.

I warned him not to try kissing me ever again and all he said in reply was that he misses me, and that he's sorry for what he did to me.

I felt bad, very bad to see him in a state like that, the Sam I knew and the Sam I met yesterday were two completely different persons. One acted like he was the king of the world and the other is acting like he has lost everything.

I never want to get back with Sam ever again but for the sake of those two years that we spent together I couldn't help but feel sorry for him... it seemed like Lizzie's betrayal hurt him real bad.

I've made it clear to Sam that I want to maintain some distance between us and not jump into being friends because now when I think about what I've had to go through because of him I feel stupid, extremely stupid, how did I allow myself to be used by him like that? He treated me like shit and I let him.

After meeting Sam and seeing how much he still wanted to get back with me, I decided something... I was done running away from my feelings, I didn't want to run anymore, I wanted to embrace them.

I thought it'd be better if I just let my emotions get the better of me for once, life's too short and you never know what's going to happen next, and right at that moment I decided I wanted to give Blake and I a shot, I wanted to see where life would take us but as usual life had something else planned for me, something I never imagined I'd see.

I was in high spirits when I went to talk with Blake and Ethan, I thought I'll finally be able to tell Blake that I'm ready to give our relationship a chance but life had something else planned for me.

Who even was that girl? What did she have that I didn't and more importantly did Blake ever like me? Or he too wanted to be with me because of my physical assets?

He was always so sweet and gentle towards me but something has changed in him now, the coldness in his eyes when he looked at me today and how that coldness got replaced with warmth and happiness the moment he spot Kate broke my heart.

My heart is coming up with a thousand excuses for him but my mind keeps telling me he's just like those other guys I've dated in the past... they all want one thing from me, and that is my body.

I keep telling myself that I was the one who pushed him away, he must've gotten tired waiting for me, I told him to stay away from me and give me space, and he's doing just that, I shouldn't be upset with his behaviour, he's doing what I told him to do.

My phone started buzzing, it was Will, I took a deep breath before answering his call, pressing the phone to my ear I asked "Hey, what's up?

"Nothing much, I just called to check in on you, Sam told me you went to his apartment" Will said on the other end.

"Yes I did, after you told me about the misrebale state he was in I couldn't help it... I know people think I'm cruel and vicious but trust me Will I too have a heart and I care for people" I said honestly, I'm done pretending to be a badass girl who doesn't give a fuck about anyone because I do.

"Oh Ana, I never thought you to be cruel or vicious, I always knew you have a good heart beneath that tough exterior of yours" Will said and a lone tear rolled down my cheek.

"Then why do people treat me in such cruel ways?" I asked in a choked voice and hung up before Will could say anything, I felt dejected and I don't know what the future holds for me but I guess it's anything but good.