BETTER

Chapter 33

Ana

Finding love isn't as easy at it seems for girls like me... you'd think I have it easy but it's not like that at all.

Sam was and still is to some extent a part of my life with whom I've attached myself so much that it has become extremely difficult for me to let go of him but I have to do it, I have to let him go because my attachment with Sam is holding me back from being with someone who actually makes me feel like I'm worthy of being loved.

After seeing Blake with Kate I was disheartened but I still decided to give it another shot, maybe if I cleared the air between us, maybe if I told Blake that I'm finally ready to give us a shot he'd be back to being his usual self... maybe there's nothing going on between him and Kate... I have to try or else I'll never know.

I dialled his number but he didn't pick up, I dialled again and this time he picked it up on the third ring but it wasn't him, it was her, I can never forget her voice.

"Hello" she said and I could already hear the anger in her voice "Hey... is Blake there?" I asked a little hesitantly "He just went to use the restroom" she replied with annoyance clear in her voice.

I was about to respond when she opened her mouth again "Hey can you please call back after a few hours, we're on our first date and-" I cut her off before she could say anything else.

"Sure sure, enjoy your date" I hung up the call and stared at my phone for a good minute before releasing a breath I didn't know I was holding.

I have ruined it, I have successfully ruined my chance of being happy with someone who genuinely cared for me and I can't even blame him for this, I'm the one who pushed him away and now that he has moved on from me I want him back in my life.... I sure am a selfish person.

Tears stinged my eyes and I finally let them fall, I felt so helpless, so weak and unwanted.

After giving it a good thought I decided to pay a visit to my parents, maybe seeing them after a long time would make things a little better for me, not caring about my classes or attendance I decided to catch the next flight that'll take me home and away from this mess.

Will has been a good friend, he called to check in on me every once in a while, and to be honest I've talked with him about everything that's been going on between me and Blake, he wasn't surprised to know that I actually have feelings for Blake and he told me that I shouldn't give up on him, that him dating Kate doesn't mean he has forgotten me.

My parents were quite surprised to see me but they welcomed me with love and warmth nevertheless, they knew that something was wrong but they gave me space and didn't ask a lot of questions as to why I was there when I should be studying for my upcoming exams.

I actually enjoyed my stay there but my mind kept drifting back to Blake and my phone kept ringing... no it wasn't Blake calling, it was Sam. Tired from his constant calls and texts I decided to switch off my phone whilst I stayed with my parents, their company was enough to keep me away from my phone ; I went shopping with my mom, helped her cook dinner, watched television with my dad, helped him with building a kennel for a dog he's thinking of adopting, we had family dinners and for the first time in months I laughed for real whilst having fun with my parents.

It wasn't until the day of my return that I finally switched my phone on, ten missed calls from Sam and a few from Blake, my eyes went wide but then I remembered Kate, she must've told him about me that's why he called.

I decided to not call him back because there's no point in talking to him now, he has moved on and I don't want to hold him back but I also don't want to miss my chance of talking to him even if that's for a few minutes or seconds, I'd like to hear his voice.

Not giving myself much time to think it through my brain, I dialled his number, he answered on the second ring and I greeted him.

"Hey"

"Hey are you okay?" he asked in a frenzied tone and I got a little worried, I decided to lie even if I felt like doing the opposite.

"Of course.... saw your missed calls tha-" he cut me off before I could even finish my sentence "Cut the crap Ana, tell me what's wrong? Where are you?" he asked.

What's wrong with him? Why is he acting like this?

I sighed heavily before giving him my answer, I really want to tell him that I'm ready to give him, to give us a shot but he's with Kate now and I don't want to cause any trouble between them.

"Blake I like you and you know that, and I am- no I mean was ready to give us a shot but none of it matters now" I clutched my phone tightly as if it would somehow lessen my heartache "I know you're with Kate and I'm happy for you, I'm happy that you've finally found someone who's more like you and who understands you better and I would never want to cause any trouble between you both but I needed to tell you how I really feel... sorry" and with that I cut the phone.

I know telling him was a bad idea but keeping it from him has been eating me from within, I wasn't able to sleep, eat, study or do any of the things that normal human beings do but now that the truth is out in the open, I guess I'll be able to sleep better tonight.