Max & Me

Ch. 56-Gender

Ch. 56-Gender

*Danielle's POV

We got sympathy looks from the funeral-home workers as Liam and I took Max and Madison out to the car. Madison still wailing, and Max crying quietly. "Quiet your stupid kids down," One middle-aged man snapped at me, coming out of memorial room two. "I'm trying to grieve for my father. Shut up your kids. They're disrespectful. What kind of parent are you?" The man asked me.

"Ignore him." Liam whispered to me as we went outside. I held back the tears as Liam held the door open for me. I slugged through the snow out to the car, holding Max's little hand so that he wouldn't slip. "Try to calm down," Liam told Madison as he buckled her into her car seat. Madison began to hiccup-cry, sniffling quietly. I buckled Max into his seat, and closed his door. I climbed into my seat, and buckled myself in. Sighing, I leaned over and put my head in my hands. I'm a horrible Mum. Just like that man said.

"It's okay, Danielle," Liam assured me, "She's just upset. She'll get over it." I nodded, trying to make myself believe it. I'm such a horrible Mum. Madison hates me. She won't let me hug her, or kiss her. Max isn't even my son. Max deserves better than me. So does Madison. Maybe I should have died in a fire. Then Madison and Max could go live with Michelle and William Foster. Max Ethan Foster. Madison Jane Foster.

I desperately tried to shake the negative thoughts away, but they kept inching their way back. I'm a horrible Mum. I'm not enough for my children, or enough for Liam. My fault. I had a baby before marriage. I swore to myself that I'd wait until marriage. My fault. I kissed Liam when he was dating Sophia. I'm a cheater. My fault. I wasn't able to save Berry when she died. I let Berry die. My fault.

We began driving home. By the time we parked in the driveway, Madison and Max were both done crying, and were giggling amongst themselves. I sighed in frustration. I swear, those two children are bipolar. That has to be my fault. I had to have done something wrong while raising them. What's my problem?

"Can I watch a movie?" Asked Max, as Liam parked the car. Great. I raised my son wrong. My son wants to watch a movie instead of doing something active like playing outside, or something productive like coloring a picture or helping me make dinner. Max is going to be screen-addicted because of me.

"Sure, bud." I answered quietly as I climbed out of the car to get one of the babies out. I took Madison out of her seat, and Liam got Max. We carried them inside, and got them unbundled from their winter gear. "Fanks Mum." Said Max, as I pulled his jacket off. "No problem," I replied, as Max ran into the living room to watch a show.

Liam helped Madison take her coat off, and hung it in the closet. I lined up all the shoes at the side of the front entrance, while Madison crawled into the living room to see Max. After I tidied the boots, I leaned against the wall, pulling my legs to my chest and putting my head in my knees. "Danielle," Said Liam, scooting over so he was sitting next to me. "What?" I mumbled, head still in knees.

"You okay?" He asked, nudging my side. "No." I replied stiffly. "Why not?" Asked Liam, nudging me again. "I feel like I'm a bad Mum," I admitted, finally looking up at my boyfriend. "Why?" Asked Liam, eyebrows furrowing together. "Danielle, you're amazing. You raised Max for a year without me, and carried Madison for nine months in your stomach." Liam pointed out.

I put my head back in my knees. "Danielle," Said Liam, reaching over and rubbing my back supportively. "What?" I mumbled into my knees. "You're an amazing Mum. Don't ever feel bad. Got it?" I looked up again. "It should have been me in the fire," I told Liam, "I should have been in a fire instead of Michelle and William. They would have been way better parents for Max and Madison. I wish I'd died in the fire."