The Playboy's Girl. || P.JM ✔.

THE WORST 'HEY BABE'.

All my life I've always seen fights, issues involving my birth and the finances. How they never wanted me, and how I've listened stories about my mother wanting to abort me because my father distanced himself from her after my birth.

Now about Jk, we met when we were 5 years old. He used to be my neighbour and was a friend of Namjoon. They both used to play outside and I only watched them both play whereas I just stayed inside to avoid the judgements. I don't know if it was Jk's character or curiosity but he literally asked me to come play with him. I remember I was shocked at first because no one ever asked me to join them. I refused but he literally insisted and took my outside my house where we played tag and that was my first ever game as a child.

He gave me some of my childhood memories that I want to cherish forever. Where partly my own people were taking my childhood away from me, Jk kept on giving me a part of it. He celebrated my 15th birthday along with Valerie, Kate, Amis, Hoseok. I could never forget how special that moment was for me or how I used to feel around him. I had always felt that there is a connection between me and him, he fills the voids inside me and I may not fight for myself, but I've always fought and defended Jk in his absence because to me, he's someone who gave me a part of me.

My love or my 'want/craze/obsession' is so enormous for him that I started to fall in love with people calling me names like 'Dorkie Hana' because in that way, I'd get a taste of his defence for me. Trust me, seeing him do that for me made me 'get familiar' with how it feels like to be appreciated.

Whenever I was subjected to bullying, it was Jk who shielded me. Jk had that character; that strong character who everybody loved and admired. He was a friend to all. And he was good in everything as well. But he was very different with me in terms of friendship, he was always super delicate and soft to me. Maybe because he knew people tried to put me down, or how fragile I am from the inside related to stuff that just now feels like a routine.

There were numerous moments in my life where I used to dress up like those pretty girls from commercial so that I can match Jk's style but everytime I saw him, that point in me just gets hesitant to proceed. I can obviously never keep up with his style and charisma. But I did reduce my weight during these 5 years that gave me an edge towards other things I'd like to opt for.

I looked at myself after all those traumatic thoughts and sighed before grabbing my hair in a pony tail. Just as I was about to capture my hair in a pony tail I instantly heaved and placed the pony before me. I smiled to myself in the mirror as I settled my hair, my skirt and my upper.

"It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. I can and I will. It's my choice too after all," I repeated those thoughts before grabbing my bicycle and riding off to SNU. All the while my heart racing against my chest, my lips couldn't stop curving upwards and just as I reached, light shivering began to expose itself to me.

Even before Jungkook at this point I just wanted to run and hug Valerie. I missed her so much during this course of time. It's been a year I haven't gotten in contact with her. After her Instagram hit a million followers and her lifestyle completely changed, we hadn't gotten a chance to talk properly.

Priorities?

Nah,

The hectic schedule ig.

I walked through the corridor recognising old faces, recognising even people who were rude to me throughout my school life.

"Hey Moss!" I waved but she passed me a stare before continuing to talk to Joshua.

Weird.

She wasn't one of the meanies back then. She used to he Val's friend and that's how me and Moss came into contact but that's very weird.