The Playboy's Girl. || P.JM ✔.

THE WORST 'HEY BABE'.

Hana's POV:-
If someone calls my 13 year old 'love' for Jungkook, 'infatuation' then they should look out for themselves becuase Jungkook has been the love of my life for over a decade now. I'm sure you all can relate.

It's been 5 years we all are uniting again for SNU. Everyone's dream University. These past 5 years there was no to little trace of Jk in my life except that I was always on his social media account. We lost contact because Jk developed his passion for music and he started an Instagram handle under the name Jk's_jazz. Yes, you guessed it right. I was his number one supporter!

After school our blocks got separated because we were getting the SEX-ED classes during that tenure which in a co-edcuation system got a bit too out of the hands. Cuz boys and girls would just pass eachother paper balls writing nasty stuff which was a problem. So, now after five years,

TODAY

IS

THE

DAY!!

I was so beyond excited. I picked out my most favourite dress, tied my hair into a half pony and looked at myself in the mirror with a smile. But as vivid moments, some flash backs from my childhood, from my 'life' basically flashed before me, my smile dropped.

Why?

Well, ever since my mother conceived me, she had thought to abort me because my Dad's a miser and he blamed my mother for not being properly on control. Trust me, a parent telling their own child themselves that they wanted to abort it, how hurtful it could be.

I've always run low on acceptance and love towards my own self because I've never been familiar with such things. I got bullied, I got verbally abused many a times, my parents don't cooperate and cuz of their negligence I belong to a deteriorated family structure. They didn't want to live together so my mum went back to the Netherlands and my father runs a small local business in Maldives where he makes a living by dealing with tourists every month.

In conclusion, me and my brother live here together but no benefit I have of it cuz my brother is either 'too busy' with his work or is always out with his friends.

No one cares about me at all. I used to feel so insignificant at times that it lead me to be where I am today. I don't really care about judgements anymore cuz I know either way, I'm gonna get judged. Whether it's how I look, what I wear, wherever I go, I only get negativity. Taunting me every time upon my family, or how my brother is always caught in a case. My life's a mess and I want to escape it.

It's not that I can't defend myself. I can and I have tried it too. Thing is, I've low acceptance towards my self which is why I let them do their thing with me. Aaaannd then yes, I cry my heart out to myself. I wish I would be more like Valerie, she has always defended me, been there for me when I was running low, I'm thankful I'm blessed with her friendship otherwise, no one prefers me. Lol, my own parents didn't want me and I was just a 'mistake' to them. There was a point in my life where they were putting me up for adoption to my Uncle.

And internally, I prayed 4 nights in a row for him to adopt me. But guess I'm not even worth an adoption lol. Sometimes, I feel so feeble that if a 3rd person talks to me softly, calmly I get tears in my eyes because that is something I rarely get. Either it's degradation, judgement, mocking, bullying or abuse.

And that's how Jk came into my life with comfort. He eased my life when I only wanted it to be ended. Trust me, the only reason I try one more day to be alive is Jk. I love him so dearly, wholeheartedly that even if he asks me to give him my life, I'll readily dissolve into that momentum because there's no point of my existence anyways. It's not 'hating my self' it's just 'traumatic'.