All Black Everything // Luke Hemmings

Chapter 45

The next few weeks went the same every day. Mum would visit in the morning, the boys would come over a couple times a week, Luke and I would watch TV all day until we went to sleep. It was the same until one day, when Luke got a phone call.

"Hello?" He said, not knowing who it was.

I watched him as he put a hand to his forehead.

"What the hell do you want?" He said after a moment.

"No, I told you not to talk to me ever again! Don't call me. Don't try and contact me. I don't need you in my life, I don't want you in my life. Ever."

I hit him on the arm and mouthed "That was rude!"

He held out a finger to shut me up, and I laid back in bed.

"No, don't call me! I don't care if you're sorry. I will never forgive you. I don't think you understand what you did." He said after a moment.

Another minute went by before he said, "Yeah well now your damn son is like that too!" And he hung up.

"What was that...?" I asked softly after a minute of silence.

"That, was the my mother." He said with a deep breath. "She's angry at me because I told her to leave us alone...that night."

"Oh." I said. "It's okay. If she's sorry, I forgive her."

"No, you don't. She doesn't deserve to be forgiven. She almost murdered you. She's a horrible person, and she deserves to rot in hell." He said, balling his fists up.

"She's not a murderer. Yeah, she's horrible. But she didn't murder me. I tried to kill myself." I said, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Because of her!" He exclaimed, a little too loud.

"No, Luke. There's a thousand reason why. She's just one of me, okay?" I said.

"Just the fact that she contributed is enough for me." He said, breathing deeply holding down tears.

"Okay. Let's just do something that will distract you." I said softly.

"God, how can you be so....okay with this?" He said putting his head in his hands.

"I've lived a long nineteen years. A lot of people had made remarks about me. People try and find your weakness and they use it to destroy you. My weakness just so happens to be all over me, where people can see it. It's no wonder everyone picks on me, because it's just so easy. I'm so vulnerable, and you can tell. You can tell because I let it get to me, and it shows on my skin. So your mum saying one thing, it was just one thing. It's just a couple more scars. It's only this time, I just felt tired of it all. Too tired. Tired enough to try doing what I did."

A couple tears rolled off his cheek.

"It's not fucking fair." He said through silent, chocked up sobs. "It's not fucking fair that someone like you has to deal with shit like that every day. It's even worse that my mother had to go and say something like that."

I kissed his cheek. "I'll be fine eventually. Now let's go to the beach. It's been a while."

He nodded, calming himself down, and we left.

*****

We walked along the beach for a long time. We walked past our cave, and came across more as we went along the coast. It was another cloudy day, but it didn't bother me because I liked it when it was cloudy. It was so familiar to me, because there as rarely any sun in Brighton.

Luke squeezed my hand every few minutes, just to make sure that I was still there.

"Ana..." He said after a while, "how longs it been since you had a panic attack?"

I stopped, and he did too. "Um, I don't know. A month or toe, maybe? How come?"

"Because I haven't seen you have one. Ever...actually. I suppose when your dad..." He said.

"I take Xanax, so my symptoms go away quickly. I don't want you to see me of through something like that." I replied.

He nodded. "Oh. It just seems like....like I'm never there for you when you need me. So I wouldn't know when you get them, would I?"

"You're always here for me. At least when you can be. Shit happens, Luke. You can't be here every second." I said.

"Speaking of never being there for you..." He said, looking at his phone. "I'm late for work." I could tell he felt guilty.

"You go. I'll have Ashton pick me up later, or something. I want to walk some more." I said with a small, fake smile.

"Are you sure?" He asked.

"Yes, we need money. Go on, I'll meet you at home later." I said, smiling a little wider.

"I love you." He said, and with a kiss, he ran down the coast again.