All Black Everything // Luke Hemmings

Chapter 38

When I woke up, Luke was already awake. I could hear him talking in the kitchen, but I didn't know to whom. I sat up and listened. Whoever it was, he was clearly angry with.

"Stop. That was years ago. Let it to!" He tried to stay quiet, but I could hear him.

"Please, it's for my girlfriend." He said quieter. I could tell he was on the phone.

"Yes, just don't do many thing they will scare her off. I love her, really and if you mess this up for me then you'll get your damn wish." He said.

I waited a moment until I heard him get off the phone. I got up, and threw one of t shirts over my head and stood against the doorway, crossing my arms. He turned around after a second, and sighed.

"Morning, love. How long have you been there?" He said, worried.

"Just got here. Who was that?" I said, referring to the phone call.

He ran a hand through his messy hand. "Uh, just my mum." He replied.

I raised an eyebrow. "So, she's coming here?" I asked.

He sighed again. "Yeah, I guess so. They're only going to be here for a week and I'm sure the majority of that will be spent going to different bars or whatever."

I went into the kitchen and wrapped my arms around his waist, staring up at him. "I'm excited." I said with a smile, and let go of him to get breakfast.

After a while, I said, "what's the wish?"

He looked up with a confused look on his face. "....Wish?" He asks.

"You know, whatever you were saying to your parents. 'You'll get your damn wish'." I imitated him.

He rolled his eyes. "It's nothing, alright?" He sounded annoyed.

I backed away a little and looked down. "Um, sorry." I said softly.

His eyes softened after he realized how harsh he sounded. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound so...like that." He said and shrugged.

I shrugged back. "It's fine. I ask a lot of questions."

He ran a hand through his hair. "You want to go do something today? We could go see the guys?" He said, sounding guilty.

I looked up. "No, I'd rather just stay here today." I replied

For some reason, I pang of sadness came through me. I only felt like curling up in bed and not coming out.

"I'm feeling a bit tired." I said.

I turned on my heel and went to the bedroom. I laid in bed curled in a ball for a while until Luke came in. He laid next to me and wrapped his muscular arms around my thin body. I closed my eyes softly and we stayed like this for a while.

"Whatever I've said, I don't mean it. I'm a very rude person, I know. I keep making stupid and inconsiderate jokes, and I can tell you think that you're annoying to me. You aren't, I promise. You're the most interesting thing that I have in my life, and I love you." He said from behind me. I didn't reply, so he continued. "I don't think you know how much you mean to me. You're everything to me. I can tell that I'm losing you. I can feel you slipping through the cracks, like you want to give up."

At this point, I was tearing up, and with every word, my heart was breaking even more. I can tell his is too.

"I just want you to know, that if I lose you...I'll lose myself too." He continued. "I won't ever be happy again, because when I'm not with you now, all I want to do is be by your side. God I love you so much. I just feel like....like you're getting closer and closer to giving up. You just can't give up." He said through soft sobs. "Everything that happened to you is in the past. The present is the only thing that matters, because I can't bear to think of a future without you, and for some reason it seems like I'll have to."

At this point I couldn't say anything to him. He was crying because he was worried about me, and I was because he was right. Every day is another battle, and everyday I'm that much closer to really giving up. I seem like I'm getting better, but I just keep getting worse.

I didn't turn to him, but I said, "You're right. I am close to giving up, and it's true that I just might. But Luke, you're the only thing keeping me from it. You're my only happiness, my only safe haven. As long as you're here, I will try not to give up."

I felt him plant a soft kiss on the back of my neck, his sobs uneven and chalky.

"I love you so much." He said, and we fell asleep.