All Black Everything // Luke Hemmings

Chapter 43

I went home a week after that. Mum forced us to stay at Luke's, because I technically lived there, now. She said she would visit in the meaning everyday, but she had to work so she couldn't stay long. Mum had driven us there, and Luke insisted on carrying me all the way up the stairs.

We laid in bed for a long time when we first got there. We just wanted to feel our bed again.

"How are you feeling? Do you want anything?" He asked after a while.

"Yes." I said. "Kiss me."

He did as I said, and kissed me for a long time. When he was done, he hovered slightly above me.

"I love you, a lot." He said, and kissed me again.

I kissed him back softly, letting him do all the work, because I was so tired, and the doctor had given me some sleeping pills.

"Wheres the razor?" He asked after a few moments.

"Really, Luke?" I said, slightly annoyed.

"Yes, really." He said. "Where is it?"

I sighed. "Should be in the bathroom, somewhere."

He got up swiftly, and went into the bathroom. The razor was on the counter. He picked it up, and threw it into the toilet, and flushed it. He then came back to bed, not before throwing his shirt off him and onto the floor. He always did that before we went to sleep.

"There. It's gone." He said, and kissed me again.

"What is I wanted it?" I asked.

"Too bad. I love you too much to let you keep something that could kill you." He replied, and kissed me again.

"Well in that case, your kitchen knifes should be flushed as well." I said with a smirk.

"Come on, Ana. Just please don't, okay?" He said.

I sighed. "Fine. I won't. Then you have to promise me something, too." I said.

"What is that?" He asked, confused.

"You can't either," I said.

"What so you mean? I don't-" he began, but I cut him off.

"You knew exactly where the damn razor was. Also..." I said, and held his wrist up, where multiple cuts were.

"I'm...I didn't mean..." He said, close to tears.

"No, I get it. Something traumatic happened to you. Shit happens, but it's over now and you're not allowed to. If I'm not, neither are you." I said, close to tears, too although I was hiding it well.

"I thought you were going to die. My life is meaningless without you...and as much as I tried I couldn't make the pain to away, so I replaced it with other pain to distract myself. I'm sorry." He said.

"You shouldn't be sorry." I replied. "I get it. But look I'm still alive, so there isn't a reason to."

"Don't you get it, Ana?" He said, "Just the fact that you wanted to, and you tried to kills me. Everyday I have to see your wrists wrapped up, and I have to see you taking anti-depressants, and every night when we go to sleep I know you stay awake and consider it again. Every single night. It kills me..."

I couldn't say anything. Even if I could, I didn't know what to say. How do you respond to something like that?

"Ana just please understand one thing. If I lose you, I will not waste a second to kill myself, because I can't live in a world where you don't exist. I would rather be dead, and with you, than alive and alone." He said after a few minutes of silence.

I shut my eyes eyes for a moment, and took a deep breath.

"Okay." Is all I could say.

*****

The next morning I woke up, and Luke wasn't in bed. I couldn't hear him anywhere, so I assumed he was at work. I heard the door shut after a few minutes.

"Ana, you awake?" Luke said softly as he walked into the room.

"Yes. Hello." I said.

He walked over to me and kissed me on the forehead.

"Here. I bought you breakfast from that little place in the shops you like. I figured you would want some good food after having to eat hospital meals every day." He said with a shrug.

"Luke that's so sweet." I said, sitting up.

"No, no. You rest, okay?" He said, softly pushing me back down.

"Luke...I'm fine. I can at least sit up to eat." I said, and sat up again.

He gave up, and laid beside me turning on the TV. We ate in comfortable silence, flipping through channels because nothing good was ever on. After a while, I tried to stand up and get dressed but Luke told me to stay in bed and rest, again. Mum visited later in the day.

When Luke and I went to sleep, he forced me to take a sleeping pill, because I hadn't slept in days.

"Goodnight, I love you." He said into the back of my neck.

I felt him plant a couple soft kissed on my neck, then all I felt was his breath hit my ear. I took a deep breath, and started to drift off to sleep.

I love you, too. I thought.