All Black Everything // Luke Hemmings

Chapter 33

We sat in silence, tangled in each others arms for a while, our sobs interrupting each others.

"It's okay. It is." I whispered. He nodded, and kept his head in my shoulder.

He did it because of me. This is my fault. How could I do this to him? I thought. I knew he did it because do me. I knew that I was causing him so much pain,because I was causing myself pain.

After a long time, he said, "I'm so sorry."

I shook my head. "No. It's my fault."

"No, no no it's not." He looked up. "It's not your fault your dad is a sick twisted man who did terrible things and made you think things that aren't true about yourself, and it isn't your fault that you harm yourself because you believed him, and it's not your fault that it breaks my heart every time I look at you because I love you and you can't even love yourself, it's not your fault I did this to myself because I love you too much to see you go through something like this alone. It's not your fault."

"Luke, I don't feel alone. I have you." I said, my eyes tearing up more than before.

"No, you do feel alone." He replied. "I know that no matter how many people you have in your life, you feel completely alone and all you want is someone to truly be there for you."

"You're there for me." I said, trying to defend myself. I did feel alone.

"Yes, I am but it doesn't feel that way. No matter what I do, I can't help what you think about yourself. I can't help the fact that your dad was who he was, and I can't help the fact that you cut." He replied.

I nodded. "Okay, so I feel alone almost all the time. But you don't know how much you've helped me. I would have never made the friends I have here without you."

"It doesn't matter!" He said through sobs. "Because I can't help you. I can't do anything about this. All I can do is sit and watch you harm yourself, and think these terrible things about yourself, and lie to me when I ask if your okay."

"Okay, you want he truth." I said. "I'm not okay. I never will be, truly okay. No one will ever understand why I'm like this, because they haven't lived my life. I will always be the girl with cuts on her arms and dark thoughts in her mind, all covered by a fake smile. But with you, I can forget about everything that has happened, and just be with you, because I love you, and you make me believe that I'm going to be okay someday."

His features softened, and a small smile grew across his face.

"You will never know how much I love you." He said. "I'd it's really me that makes you think you'll be okay, then I'm going to do everything I can to make you okay."

I nodded.

"I don't care how hard it's going to be, or how broken you are. You'll get better. I'm not going to let you stay this way. I love you." He said again.

I nodded again, and he kissed me.

We sat in silence for a while after, kissing every now and then. I cleaned off Luke's wrist, and we went into my room again.

We watched TV for a while until Luke said, "You know that tree house in your neighbors yard?"

"Yeah." I replied. "What about it?"

"We should go in it." He said.

I looked at him, surprised. "Why would we do that?"

"Well why not?" He said. "They're probably sleeping, and we are awake. So why not?"

I shrugged. "Okay. But if we get caught, you're taking all the blame."

He smirked, and we got up. Being careful not to wake up my mother, we tip-toed down the stairs and out the back door. There was a wooden fence separating my house from my neighbors.

"Luke how are we supposed to jump that?" I whispered.

Before he said anything, he hauled himself into the top and held a hand down to me. I raised an eyebrow, but took his hand. He put his hands around my hips, and pulled me up with him.

"Sorry, that was probably hard." I said, thinking my weight was too much for him.

"Nope, light as a feather." He said, and jumped down to the other side.

I rolled my eyes, but jumped down behind him. We quietly went to the giant tree. Luke gave me a nod, and I started climbing the ladder. He was right behind me. When I reached the top, I stood on the small balcony just outside it, and waited for him

"Damn." He whispered, looking at the view.

"Yeah." I whispered back.

We spent a few moments looking out that the skyline, then we went inside it. There was a tiny light switch, so I turned it on. A little swinging lamp at the top flickered on. It was tall enough that we could stand up straight in it. We sat on the small pile of blankets on one corner.

"I love you." He said after a while.

"What was that for?" I said back.

"Because I love you." He replied, and kissed my forehead.

"Yeah but why?" I asked.

"I think you need to realize that you can't really describe why you love someone. You just do. It's like why does the sky turn blue in the morning. Because it just...does."

I smiled. "You're always so philosophical." I giggled.

He smirked, and raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, guess I am aren't I?"

I punched his arm playfully, and he waited a moment before slamming his lips into mine. I put my hand on his cheek, and he wrapped his arms around me.

He parted, and rested his forehead on mine. "I love you." He said again.

"I love you, too." I said back.

"Why?" He said, mocking me.

"You're such an ass." I said back.

"You're always so philosophical." He said, again mocking me.

"Again, you're an ass." I said, and smiled wider.

He waited a moment, then said, "I can only hope that as much of an ass as I am, you'll stay with me."

"Kiss me again, and maybe I will." I said.

And he did.