Slowly Losing Your Mind

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Chapter 13:

Beckinsile's Point of View

"I'm so tired," I moan to Ed Monday morning. Ed chuckles as Fiona takes the seat next to him.

"How'd you're party Friday go?" Fiona flicks a long piece of hair over her shoulder.

"I think it went well. We may actually be friends now but we'll have to see what she does during marketing." I say with a sigh.

"Wait, are you saying you survived a night with Danika? How can this be?" Ed gasps in a completely fake way.

"Yes, twit. I actually survived a night with her. It's not as hard as it sounds." I roll my eyes and pull out my notebook.

"Class is about to begin, please take your seats." Mr. Meyer, holding our graded tests, is standing at the front of the room ready to hand them out.

Oliver rushes into class a few seconds after he starts handing out the tests.

"I'm so sorry I'm late, I missed the bus..." Mr. Meyer interrupted him with a grunt.

"Its fine, Mr. Marshall, just go sit down before you earn yourself a detention for interrupting my class even further." Mr. Meyer just continues to hand out the tests as if nothing happened.

"Thank you," Oliver mutters before taking a seat next to me.

"Hey Becks," He whispers as he sits down.

I ignore him and can feel my heartbeat speed up. I can't be near him right now, not until I get my feelings about the dance sorted out. He said we could pretend that the dance never happened but I can't just sit here and pretend that it didn't. It happened and now even I don't know what I'm feeling. I sneak a look at Oliver who's staring at the whiteboard in the front of the classroom. He doesn't look bothered at all that I straight up ignored him.

I blink a few times to snap myself out of my mental war and take a deep breath as Mr. Meyer comes down my row.

"Congratulations Beckinsile, you are the only person who got a one hundred percent." Mr. Meyer hands me my test and then moves onto Ed.

Oliver emits a low whistle and takes the test from my hands.

"Congrats, Becks." Oliver skims the test and then looks up at me; I give him only a slight nod in response.

He looks at me suspiciously then averts his eyes to his test results.

"Let's go over some of the frequently missed questions for this class." Mr. Meyer says in a bored tone.

"This is going to be a long class," I think to myself and slump a little lower in my chair.

~~~~~

I leave fast in an attempt to avoid Oliver. I'm pretty sure he's catching on that something's up even though it's only been one period. I rush into science, pull out my notebook and bury my nose in it. I can feel Oliver sit down next to me. He sets his hand on my notebook and gently pushes it down.

"Did I do or say anything Saturday night to make you mad at me?" Oliver's eyes look a little cold.

I can't believe I'm the one causing that. I bite my lip and just give him a sad look.

"There you go again," Oliver mutters and turns to face the board. We don't talk for the rest of class.

~~~~~

"Becks, why won't you talk to me?" I can hear Oliver behind me but I push forward towards marketing. "Maybe he'll get the message and leave me alone. Then I won't have to deal with whatever I'm feeling and everything will be back to normal." I think to myself and take my seat. "But why do I want to push him away so badly?"

Danika takes her seat across from me and gives me a genuine smile. It feels weird but in a nice way because it means we aren't fighting. Mr. Walker clears his throat and begins class. The project is now on a take home basis so we will be beginning actual lessons. Today's lesson is about different marketing techniques and where they are used. We're required to take notes, a requirement that gets a less than satisfactory reaction from the class. I pull out my notebook and a pen. I'm ready for another period of no small talk with Oliver.

Mr. Walker begins talking and I write down notes furiously. My eyes unknowingly wander to Oliver. He has an adorable crease in his forehead which is his sign of concentration. His brown hair flops down in front of his eyes and he flicks it away with a slight movement of his head. Oliver's biting his lip and his blue-gray eyes are focused completely on the movements of his hand across the page. I try to snap myself out of thinking about him but that isn't working anymore.

"Could Gabe be right? I mean he doesn't act this way around anyone else, just me. He spends as much time as he can around me and he's always nice to me. He offered to stay with me until my parents got home to 'protect' me and he danced with me at the ball. Does that mean that he likes me? I can't imagine that; why would he like me? He barely knows me. Why am I so opposed to him liking me? Could I possibly be the one that likes him? Or am I just misreading the whole situation? Gosh, I'll kill Gabe if he's wrong because then I'll be the idiot that took his advice." My mind finally comes to a conclusion and it's a conclusion that I never saw coming.

I like Oliver Marshall, I actually like him. I don't know how or when it happened but I like him and there's no going back now. It's not just a friendly attraction anymore. Gosh, I hope he feels the same way.

~~~~~

"Beckinsile. Stop! Please. We need to talk. Why won't you talk to me?"

I stop in the middle of the hallway and grab Oliver's arm. I drag him down the hallway towards the library. He keeps quiet as I fling the front door open. I yank him down an inconspicuous aisle filled with dusty novels that no one has looked at in forever. I look in between some books to make sure we're completely alone.

"What's this about, Becks?" Oliver actually looks amused. His beautiful eyes are gleaming and he has a dimple carved deeply into each cheek.

"You want to know why I've been avoiding you all morning?" I can't believe what I'm about to tell him.

I'm such an idiot; I think I'll have to confine myself to my room after this little conversation.

"Yeah, kinda..." His voice trails off and he just stares at me.

"The truth is, I'm slowly losing my mind and I don't want to hurt you." It isn't a complete lie; falling in love is like slowly losing you mind.

"Very funny, you suck at lying by the way, Becks." Oliver chuckles and then silence settles in the air. "Now what's the real reason?"

"I like you, Oliver Marshall. I don't know how or when it happened but I like you. I don't even know why but when I'm with you, I'm happy for no reason at all. You're so sweet and I have so much fun when I'm around you. I know I'm being an idiot telling you all of this but that's why I've been avoiding you." I let out the breath I'd been holding in and stare at Oliver's eyes which are wide with disbelief.

He doesn't say anything for a few seconds. An awkward silence overtakes the atmosphere.

"You know what, forget I said anything." I hike my bag up on my shoulder and begin to walk down the aisle towards the library entrance.

I can feel Oliver grab my hand. He pulls me back and our faces are only inches apart.

"I won't forget because I've felt this way since you sassed me in gym class the very first day of school. I never thought in a million years that you'd like me back, though." Oliver is still holding my hand and I can feel my heartbeat speed up.

"After the dance on Saturday I had no idea what the heck I was feeling anymore. One minute we're friends and the next I have no idea what we are anymore. That's why I had to avoid you this morning."

"Well now you don't have to avoid me anymore," Oliver smirks and pulls me into a hug. Everything feels right for once. I inhale the smell of his cologne as I wrap my arms around his waist.

"I never will again," I whisper more to myself than anyone else. I feel safe in Oliver's embrace which makes me happier than anything else ever could.

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