Dreaming About Her

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Chapter 42:

Oliver's Point of View

I can see everything around me with poignant clarity. There are trees and I'm definitely driving a car. Both hands are on the steering wheel but there's another hand I see and that one belongs to the one and only Beckinsile Williams. She's smiling and being her bubbly self; not a bruise to be found and she's actually breathing. Beckinsile isn't lying dead on a bed in the hospital morgue but she's back by my side which is all I could ever ask for.

I continue driving and that's when everything goes downhill. A red car comes barreling down the road and slams right into Beckinsile's side of the car. I watch her fly forward and then the awful sound of her head hitting the windshield resonates from all corners of the car.

I wake up, panting and covered in cold sweat. My head is still reeling from my nightmare and I'm trembling all over. It takes my mind a few minutes to adjust to my surroundings and that's when I realize that Victoria is sitting at the foot of my bed.

"You okay, Oliver?" She asks and pats my feet.

"Yeah; shouldn't you be in your bed asleep?" I reach for my bottle of water and a few Advil.

"I couldn't sleep and I heard you talking so I decided to come in and check on you...Were you dreaming about her?" She looks at me with small frown.

"I don't think I need to answer that..." I lie back down on my pillows and run my fingers through my hair.

"I'm sorry this happened...Nobody deserved this..."

"I've been told that by practically everyone, Victoria; I don't need to hear it again." I snap and then instantly regret it because Victoria looks like she's about to burst into tears.

"I don't know what else to say," Victoria actually bursts into tears and I feel my conscience urging me to apologize to her.

"I know this is hard on everyone and I'm sorry I snapped at you...I just can't really process it at the moment..."

"I get it," Victoria sniffles and then inches closer to me until she can pull me into a hug.

I wrap my arms around her and try to control my emotions.

"I guess I'll try to go get some sleep; are you sure you're okay?" Victoria asks as she lets go of me.

"I'll be fine...Just go to sleep and I'll see you in the morning."

"Okay, goodnight, Oliver..." Victoria's voice trails off as she walks back to her room.

The minute she leaves, I pick up my phone and dial Beckinsile's number. I know she won't pick up but I need to hear her voice just once more. I wait through a few rings and then her familiar voice comes on the other end.

"Hey, it's Beckinsile.I can' get to the phone right now but feel free to leave a message and I'll try to call you back as soon as I can..." I can feel the tears in my eyes as the beep comes on and signals me to leave a message.

"Hey, beautiful...its Oliver...I just wanted to tell you that everyone down here misses you but I guess you're in a better place now...Please just promise me that you'll watch over all of us...God knows we need it; I love you forever and always." I force myself to hang up and then I try to fall asleep again.

~~~~~

This morning has been exceptionally hard. I'm mad at everyone and every time someone moves I feel like punching a wall. My mom says it's PTSD and that I'll get better with time but I don't think I will.

I think I'll be this tense shell of a person for the remainder of my miserable life. All I do now is mope around and try to avoid everything that reminds me of Beckinsile which is harder than it sounds because all I can think about is her.

"Can I get you anything, sweetheart?" my mom asks for the fiftieth time this hour.

"I'm fine," I mumble and mindlessly surf through TV channels.

"Okay," she sighs and walks back into the kitchen.

I know she means well but I'm in no mood to deal with anyone of the human race. I draw in a deep breath and then walk back upstairs to my room. My bed looks very enticing so I slip under the covers again but with my laptop this time. I guess I should write my eulogy for Beckinsile whether I think I can deliver it or not.

"How should I start this off?" I think to myself as I power up my laptop.

My laptop comes to life and I bring up a new document with which to write my eulogy. I try to type a few things but nothing sounds right. It's all too cliché or it just doesn't feel fitting for a girl like Beckinsile, whom I hold to very high standards.

"Damnit, why is this so hard?" I scream and clutch my hair.

"Oliver," My mom scolds as she brings me a dose of painkillers.

"I can't do this...I can't think of anything and God knows I won't ever be able to present this..."

"Just don't think about it, let the words flow...Sometimes your best works come when you aren't thinking about it..." My mom scruffs my hair before leaving me alone in my room again.

"How should I start this off?" I mutter before typing again.

~~~~~

It's almost midnight and I've finished my eulogy. I don't know how it happened but I finished it and now it's tucked safely in an envelope in my desk drawer. I pull on a pair of sweatpants and a fresh t-shirt before falling asleep again. I have to go back to school tomorrow and I think I'll need all the sleep I can to deal with it.

"Goodnight Beckinsile..." I give my lock-screen picture of her a smile before finally falling asleep.

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