I Would've Waited

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Chapter 49:

Oliver's Point of View

I wake up to the blinding lights of the hospital. I'm hooked up to at least three different machines and my arm and head are bandaged. I don't feel any pain or misery; I don't really feel anything at all. The nurses must've drugged me with something strong. I blink a few times and realize that I'm alone. The room is a hideous beige color and besides my bed and a chair, there isn't really any other furniture. That's when realization hits me like an earth quake.

I'm still on earth, and she still isn't here.

I feel my heart speed up and the tears begin, though I'm not convinced they ever stopped since her death. A sob escapes my lips and I clutch onto the sides of the bed to try and keep myself calm.

I can't be here.

I'm not supposed to be here.

I'm supposed to be with her.

I was supposed to die.

Why am I still here?

A nurse comes in and grabs a file from the table beside my bed. She clicks her pen and begins to write down some notes on my file.

"Hey sweetheart, how you feeling?" She sets a cold hand on my forehead. "You're burning up." The nurse pulls out a thermometer from her pocket.

Her facial features relax when she sees the numbers it displays.

"All normal; we'll just take off one of your blankets." She pulls off the top blanket and corrects my IV needle.

Her pager beeps and she gives me an apologetic look.

"I need to go but I'll come back and check on you soon. We'll send your family in though, so you won't be lonely for long." She gives me a small smile before leaving.

I'm going to be lonely no matter who you send in.

My mom comes into the room slowly and a teary smile spreads across her face. She walks over to me and wraps her arms around my neck. I can feel her shoulders shaking and the hot tears falling all over her face.

"Oliver, I'm sorry you aren't happy here. I'm sorry you feel like you can't live without her. I'm sorry about everything but please stay. We all need you down here whether you think we do or not." My mom kisses my forehead before releasing me and taking a seat in the chair next to my bed.

My dad comes in next and surprises me by giving me a hug. I can feel his tears too but he's more reserved about showing his emotion.

"We love you Oliver and we need you, no matter what you think." My dad takes the seat next to my mom and gives me a small smile. "I'm just so glad you're still here."

I'm not...

Victoria and Luke rush into the room next. Victoria's cheeks are streaked with tears and she's got dark shadows under her eyes from not sleeping. Luke's eyes are puffy and red with emotion he couldn't contain. She wraps me in a hug and honestly, if she held me any tighter she could suffocate me.

"Thank God you stayed. I don't know what I'd do if you'd left us." Victoria places a kiss on my head and then lets Luke hug me.

I look around at their happy faces and feel even more pain. Beckinsile's parents will never get to have this moment. They'll never get to see her open her eyes or get to hold her or tell her how much they love her. I'll never get to do those things again, either.

I was supposed to get to see her. I was supposed to be with her. That's what was supposed to happen when I hit the concrete ground. I wasn't supposed to live; I was supposed to let go, just like she did. I don't want to be here. I don't want to see everyone with their happy faces full of relief that I was dragged back here. I don't want to be here with people who've forgotten her, who've moved on from her. I want to be with her.

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