Under This Roof

Chapter 8

21 July 2014.

It is 6:00pm and I just called Claire and asked her to come over. She gets here 30 minutes later, right after she finishes her shift at the shop.

"Nice place." she says once I come into the living room holding the coffee cups.

I nod and hand her one cup taking a seat next to her.

"Isn't he here?" she whispers.

"He's not. I heard him saying something about football. It seems like he plays a lot of football, I always see him around in a jersey." I answer, the picture of him with his jersey appearing in front of me.

"Cool."

I shrug and take a sip. Then, I put my cup on the table and look over to Claire.

"There's something I need to tell you." I say a little bit excited. It's not like the topic is in any way important to me, but I do want to enjoy the simple act of sharing all my stories with this new friend. Many stories do not matter, but one shares anyway. Simply because you want them to be a part of your life.

"Oh. Tell me!" she moves her eyebrows up and down, looking excited.

"Harry's friend gave me his number and said to give him a call if I ever need anything."

"You're joking."

"Nop." I laugh.

 "Do you know what that means?" she teases.

"I know what that means."

She nods smiling.

"Yeah... I threw it." I shrug.

Claire is both surprised and angry at me.

"You what?!" she asks setting her cup back on the table. "Why did you throw it?"

"Because first of all, he is Harry's friend. And second of all, I'm not interested. And third, because I am not in the mood to be dating. That is why I threw it."

"Wow wow. Hold on. One by one. So he's Harry's friend. So what?"

"So what? Can you imagine how similar they might be? And how awkward it would be? No thanks."

"Lauren... Aside from the friend, do you not feel that you are exaggerating a little bit when it comes to Harry? I understand that he is not the type of guys you like. But up till this point, he still has not done anything really wrong towards you."

I think about what she said for a second. "I don't know, Claire."

"Anyway , it's not the only reason so can we just move on from that?" I say.

"Right. Okay well, why aren't you-" she starts but the door swings open and Harry walks in.

He looks at both of us for a moment.

"Hi." he says rising his hand, obviously trying to look polite. Cut the act Harry. Remember, you do not say hellos.

"Harry, that's Claire. Claire this is Harry. " Claire says Hi and smiles back at him.

Harry does not take a second look. He does not turn towards me at all. He directly continue his way in.

"You said he never says 'Hello' and never replies to yours." she says.

"He doesn't, really. It must have been an exception."

It must have been because he is trying to look polite to you.

"What's his name?" she asks .

"Claire, are you serious?"

"I mean Harry's friend. Not Harry, silly." she playfully punches my arm.

"Right. Haha. It's Conall."

"Conall... Hmm. Do you know his last name?"

"I don't believe Harry mentioned it. Why?"

"I know a Conall. I took few classes with him and he is also our age."

"Well, this Conall has... light brown hair. Hazel eyes. Tall and muscular."

"Yeah, exactly. This might totally be the same Conall."

"So how is work?" she changes the topic.

"It's amazing! I love it!"

****

I finish the final chapter of the book I'm reading and head towards the desk, taking my journal and pen out.

Having been asked many times lately about the topic, I feel like it is time I let it out. I write about my feelings. Remembering all that has happened.

Today was the first day I ever talk about what happened to me. Claire made me. But I'm glad she did. Hiding facts inside does nothing but make them look worse to us than they truly are. When you finally talk about something to the right person, even if there is nothing for them to do, there is no way that you will not feel better about it. Because once you talk, you realize that you are not alone. Even if you only get a hug, or a word, or even a smile. Anything that reminds you that what you are feeling is not as complicated as it sounds inside your head, and can be fixed.

During the past year, I was totally in love with my boyfriend, Eric. We had spent around a year dating. I knew his parents and he has met mine. Everyone I know loved Eric. He was perfect. I remember how hard it was on me when I had a crush on him and was not sure if he has ever even noticed me. I remember how I felt when he asked me out the first time. I felt like I was flying. Like all I ever wanted was to hear him asking me out. Mine and Eric's relationship was moving fast, but smoothly. We were both extremely happy with each other. I could totally see a future with him.

One night after a normal fight, very similar to all the previous ones we have had, Eric left to clear his head. And he did not come back.

I slept peacefully, knowing that the next day we will make up. Like every single time. But when Eric came back the second day, he was there to tell me that he cannot do this anymore. But Eric had become a huge part of my life. I was in shock. And I had no idea how to move on. There was simply no way. There was simply no method for me to wake up but not to call him. To sleep without hearing his voice. To go out to my stupid grocery shopping without him. He was an integral part of my life. And I felt like that part was completely suddenly and out of the blue, dead.

Not very long afterwards, maybe a few days, I knew from social media and my friends that Eric is seeing someone new. Which broke my heart. And I went to confront him. But Eric did not say that he is doing that to move on from me, as I was hoping. He told me that he started seeing her when we were together. And that that was the real reason behind his break up with me.

I could not believe it. There was nothing wrong with us. Nothing.

He broke my heart. And I do not see myself trusting that someone else will not.

What Claire answered me when I told her the story was right. She said "It's funny how when the things happen you just live each second of them. And when he broke up with you or whenever you had a fight, you just feel every single word he says. You get hurt by every gesture he does. You spend every moment considering and reconsidering it all in your mind. You keep thinking where you went wrong. What you could have done better. Why you said a certain mean word instead of another one. But when you want to tell the story and when you just look back at it, you find no words. You find no emotions to explain. You find no accidents to talk about. You're just hurt, and that's it."

* Sorry for being late ! Thats one !

And two , I know this chapter got a little bit boring but i just needed to explain those events like that sooner or later so yeah sorry . Love ya

- Yara :) x *