Under This Roof

Chapter 30

8 September 2014.

Between going to the church, having lunch and going out, I managed to escape once again a talk between Harry and me for a full Sunday. Today however, I am planning to stop running. 

Eva ended up saying yes to our plans and the day turned out pretty well. Knowing that Harry and her are twins, we spent a good time listening to funny childhood stories that they were happy to tell. I start to imagine Harry as a young child. It fills my heart with joy to feel like I have some idea about the way he grew up and the child that he was.

"Harry was pretty tough to be honest. One day he would be extremely happy and throw at you the nicest comments. Other days he is just mean." Eva had said.

I guess there were some things about his childhood that I could have figured out by myself. 

Anyway, today I need to focus on my models. At least for the time being.

****

As soon as I leave, I go to a coffee shop nearby work and sit there for a while. I doodle with a pen and a paper as I consider everything that has happened in the past few days and everything that is to come depending on what we do next.

After a while, I decide that it there is no point in thinking things through. Neither decision is optimal. Nothing I will do will make me satisfied in the long run.

When I go home tonight, I will talk to Harry.

But just when I am on my way, feeling the courage building up inside of me, very ready to look him in the eyes and talk about it, Claire calls me.

Worst timing, Claire. Again.

"Claire I-" I start, wanting to tell her that I am in a rush and cannot talk right now.

"Lauren. Shut up." Claire is firm. "Meet me now. I am on my towards your place." 

I park the car and wait for Claire outside my place to arrive. I am feeling nervous about what she has to say, but I also just want her to be done with it so I can talk to Harry.

"Do you want to go somewhere?" I ask Claire when she arrives. But she directly puts her arm around me and turns me towards the door.

"Just get in."

She seems in a rush to speak. I wonder what it is. It does not look good.

I open the door and we go in. 

"Liam loves me." Claire says before we even take our shoes off.

"What? For real?" I ask very happy to hear that.

"Yes, yes. For real. In fact, I am meeting his parents tomorrow."

"Oh my God. How did all of that happen?"

Before Claire answers me, I guide her to the living room. "Sit down and talk."

"Yesterday, after you guys left, Liam was going to come back to my place. So I'm in shower and Liam is in the living room. And when I finished showering, I came to the living room to find Liam sitting still in his coat and his expression completely blank. I asked what's up because I thought something bad had happened. And he said that it is just that his parents are coming tomorrow to visit him. And I asked why that is a big deal. And he said it is not."

I can imagine the conversation between the two of them.

"It is just that..." Liam is trying to find the right words. "I think I would like you to meet them."

"You would?" Claire is so happy to hear him say that.

"I really would."

"Claire." he calls her. "I want them to meet the girl that I'm in love with."

Claire is not sure she heard that right.

"I love you Claire." Liam makes himself clear.

Harry made himself clear. 

Anything that I think now takes me back to Harry. I won't rest until we talk.

Anyway, the conversation did not go exactly like that, according to Claire. But it was something similar. And I am truly happy for her.

After a while of sitting down and talking, Claire feels like it is time for her to leave. Right after she stands up, the door swings open and Harry comes in all sweaty in his uniform and his backpack.

"Hey." he greets us. Claire and I nod and he continues his way to the room.

Claire sits again. "So what are you going to do?" she asks.

"Regarding?"

"That." she moves her head towards the room. That meaning Harry.

"I was actually planning on talking to him about it tonight. But it's getting late and I haven't figured it out yet."

"Lauren... my advice to you: don't wait. Harry kissed you on Friday. Today is Monday; and it is almost over. You have a very busy week coming. And all of a sudden, it will be next Monday all over again. And you will be telling yourself that you did not have enough time to think about it because of your work. And this will keep going on until you leave."

Until you leave.

"I am sorry to have to say it. But Lauren, whatever you decide, it is best for you if you decide it now." She continues.

She is right.

When Harry goes out of his shower and is drying his hair with a towel left and right in front of his mirror, I come up to his door.

"Can we talk Harry?"

"Yes, sure." Harry's eyes are relaxed. Can he tell from mine that I am worried? I wonder.

"What if we take a walk and talk? Let me get dressed." He suggests. 

I kind of like it here. But sure, why not. I nod and go to my room to change into something more comfortable. Since Claire met me on the outside, I haven't had the chance to change my clothes.

Harry and I walk together out of the house. 

"You hungry?" he asks.

"A little. But I don't mind waiting until we get back home."

"I have an idea." 

When Harry takes me to a food truck that sells customizable pasta cups, I feel at ease. I wanted to have the conversation initially at home. And when he suggested that we go out for a walk, I only said yes because he said 'a walk'. I do not want to be having this conversation in a restaurant. So the food truck idea was either clever or lucky. But in both cases, it was what I needed.

Harry and I take our cups and sit down on a bench in the open wind. The weather is breezy. The city lights give me a calm feeling.

I look at Harry.

His eyes reflect all the lights around. His face is calm. Harry looks one thing to me at this moment; he looks warm. If Harry puts down his cup and opens his arms now, I would hug him until the sun rises.