I rush into the hospital when Claire drops me right in front of the door and leaves to find a parking spot.
Claire had spent the ride telling me that it is not serious. That Harry is fine. And I believe her because I want him to be fine. But I still need to make sure. I need to see him.
I stop at the reception and ask about the room number. I run to the elevator and hate myself for having to wait there like an idiot.
When the elevator arrives, I directly go in and press on the fourth floor. I start clicking on the arrows for the doors to close.
Come on. Quick.
I arrive to the floor and look for room 417. When I finally find it, I open the door and go in.
Everything happens so fast, in a glimpse of a second. I look at Harry, who is in bed. He looks back and smiles at me. The nurse in the room turns to me. He nods at me and smiles. But no smiles make me feel better. I need to know what happened right away.
I approach the bed and stand next to Harry. I take his hand in mine.
"I'm alright, Lauren." Harry directly assures me.
I look at the nurse who is changing something with Harry's serum bag.
"He is." The nurse tells me. "I will ask the doctor to come and let you in on what happened, if you would like."
"Yes." I say directly. And that same moment, Harry says "No".
We look at each other.
"There is no need. He already told me. I will tell you everything you need to know, believe me." Harry explains.
I lean in and kiss Harry for a couple of seconds before he puts his hand on my shoulder and gently pushes me away.
"Can't do that for long." he says, smiling.
In every meaning, this breaks my heart. I need Harry to be fine. And I definitely need to be able to kiss him.
When the nurse leaves, I sit down in the chair next to Harry and wait for him to explain to me what happened. I know a little bit from what Claire told me. But she was not sure about the information herself.
"What happened?" I ask.
"First of all, you need to know that I am fine. And that breaking your kiss makes me feel a thousand times worse than anything I experienced." Harry lightens the mood, like always. He wins me over with his comments, every single time.
"I have COPD." Harry starts. He is talking confidently. He seems fine. But what is COPD? How bad is it? Why is he in the hospital? Did he know before?
"Chronic obstructive pulmonary disorder." Harry continues, having probably read my confused facial expression. That expression that is still there. Tell me more, Harry.
"I used to feel like I am out of breath sometimes. Especially when I exercise or am dehydrated. To be honest, I thought smoking was causing it. And I tried to quit, as you know."
I nod. Faster, Harry. Are you really okay?
"But today I felt like I am out of breath for a moment after our exam on campus. I fainted a while later. And then I woke up here. The doctor told me about my COPD. He said that the disease was probably there for some time now, but that smoking had definitely helped in its emergence and thus my deterioration, as you can see." He looks at himself and opens his hands; a hospital bed.
I am still silent. Up till this moment, Harry has still not mentioned what this whole thing means and how severe it is.
"The doctor said that it is extremely rare for someone my age to develop COPD. And that I probably had a genetic predisposition for it. The smoke really helped, thankfully." Harry jokes.
"Anyway, I am fine. It can never fully recover but it can be treated and it should become better with time if I take care. I will be on some medication, as the doctor said. And I will need to have frequent check-ups. I will definitely need to completely quit smoking. And, I have to watch my breathing for some time. The doctor said I might be need an inhaler."
I am still processing.
"The bad news is, I will probably die younger than I'd hoped." Harry jokes and my heart drops. How can you say something like that?
"But the good news is, I did well on my exam before all of this started."
"Seriously Harry? You think I give a damn how you did on your exam. You scared the shit out of me." I say after a while of silence. The tears are building up in my eyes. My chest feels heavy. I know that Harry was joking about the exam, but I could not let it pass. I needed him to stop joking for a bit. I needed to process.
"Lauren, that's the most bad words you said in one sentence since you came here." Harry jokes again.
But I cannot take it. I cannot laugh. I feel bad for not helping. But I just want Harry to calm down for a second.
Harry is in the hospital, joking about his disease.
Fear becomes my motivation one more time.
Harry, right now, in this moment, is here. Harry is in front of me. He is real. And he is as handsome as he ever looked. His smile is not faded. His mind as sharp as always. His face so bright.
His hands as warm as every time he touched me. Every time he brought me home by putting his hands on my face.
His arms as strong as all the times he brought me closer to him.
I remember when Harry grabbed me by the arm and shoved me to the ground next to him. And when he stood so close to me, after Claire and Liam left, that I had to squeeze myself past him. I remember the first time Harry smiled at me.
I admit to myself; Harry's smile always drew me in. Even when I hated him, his smile was the closest to my heart. It could change everything I am feeling and experiencing. I never knew why before. But I think it is mostly about the way he truly means it.
"Harry," I finally get the courage to say.
He looks at me in the eyes. I am braver than ever.
"I love you."
YOU ARE READING
Under This Roof
RomanceI thought that I can tell a lot about someone's character as soon as I meet them. In fact, I bragged about that to my friends, especially when they make me meet their significant others. I didn't think of it as prejudice. I thought of it as good ana...
