Sparks.
Electricity.
Infinity.
All the things you read and hear about. Everything in that moment. A moment of a second, a minute, an hour. A moment of no time. I entered a loophole the moment he leaned in and saw no way out of it. Nothing I was feeling prepared me for this.
It takes me time, how long exactly I cannot tell, for I no longer had that intuition. But it takes me time, to get back London. To get back home. To get back to the kitchen. And to finally acknowledge what has happened.
Harry has pulled away. But kept his forehead on mine all this time. My face is still in his hands. Harry's beautiful hands.
We lock eyes again. And I feel my braveness fading slowly. Soon enough, I will pull away. I know I will.
But I enjoy it as it lasts. I tell myself not to think. To stay in the void he brought me into.
But it does not work for so long.
A moment, no matter how powerful, is afterall only that; a moment.
And the fate of any moment is to end.
I finally pull away.
"Am I clear enough now to you, Lauren?" Harry asked, breaking me to pieces. I feel so weak. I want to let myself go. I do.
"I guess I am." Harry answers himself when I do not.
Harry's beautiful hands go down from my face, to my arms, to my hands. He holds them.
Electricity.
"Grasp it all, Lauren. Take your time."
Do not leave my hands.
Do not leave my hands.
Harry leaves my hands.
He goes to his room. And I stand there. I feel so strange that my head hurts.
I am insomniac in bed. I keep thinking about Harry's arms. Harry's hands. Harry's eyes. Harry's lips. Harry's lips. Harry's lips.
I fight the urge to go across to his room and check if he is wide awake like me. Are you awake too Harry? Is this how you feel? Like me?
What did you do Harry? Why did you kiss me? Do you not know that what I had been feeling towards you is not a simple crush. These feelings are trouble. They are scary. And do you know what you did? You ignited them all. My sleepy feelings have now become fireworks in my chest. All because of you. And your hands. And your lips.
And the way you look at me, Harry.
****
6 September 2014.
The sun is rising. I am still awake.
Thankfully, this is the first Saturday in a while that I do not have to go to work. It would be a mess if I had to.
When it is around 6:00 am in the morning, and I have tossed and turned, and tossed and turned, until I truly lost any hope in falling asleep for a couple of hours, I get out of the room. I glance for few seconds at Harry's door, I wonder if he is asleep, and go to the kitchen.
I make myself a cup of coffee and sit in the living room.
I still have no plans for today. But I feel like I will not be able to keep sitting here, wondering if Harry is awake or asleep. Wondering if he is thinking about me. Wondering what he will do next. Wondering what to say when I see him again today.
I put on my boots and jacket, take the cup and leave the house.
I sit on the bench Conall and I once sat on.
The bench of boys trouble. I will start calling it.
I text Claire to call me as soon as she is awake. I do not think it is a good idea to spend more time alone. The thoughts are eating me alive.
After a couple of hours, at around 8:30, Claire calls.
"Why were you up so early? Are you okay?" She asks.
"I just need some company."
"Okay, sure. Why don't you pick me up in half an hour and we can go have breakfast somewhere?"
I leave my bench and walk back home.
When I come in and am taking out my boots, Harry exits his room and stands still in the opposite end of the corridor.
I look at his eyes. I try to tell if he has been awake or asleep. But he is standing so far and I cannot see well.
"You're up and out early." He says.
I nod.
"Shall we talk?" He asks.
"I actually need to change and pick up Claire. She's waiting for me." I reply and start walking towards him. I mean towards my room. But also towards him.
Harry is in my way when I want to enter the room.
He is so close. He is looking down at me. And I am searching for the courage to look up at him but am not able to find it.
Harry moves aside.
Every step that Harry is making feels exaggerated in my mind and body.
If he moves a step closer, my body reacts as though he has come from another world and combined with me.
And if he moves a step backwards, my body reacts as though something is being cast off it and taken by the wind.
Harry does not want to pressure me. I can feel it. And I appreciate it.
But I also wish instead of letting me pass, he grabbed me and kissed me again.
No matter how simple you are Harry, and how clear you make yourself, it seems like my fate to always carry a rollercoaster of emotions that you induce inside of me.
****
It takes me a while to talk to Claire about it. Not about what happened last night. But mostly about everything that has been going on inside my head for a while now.
Claire is surprised, but she also looks very understanding. At one point, Claire mentions that this is simply the logical endpoint and result of the actions that preceded. She says that there was always something unreasonable about the way I hated almost everything he did. About how I could not stand him.
I listen to her and think about her words.
Claire and Harry have, in less than twelve hours, changed everything that I was thinking about. They made me look at all of it in a completely new manner. And I am not saying that they are a hundred percent right, but they do make a point. A point I need to think about.
But I will think about it when I am no longer thinking of that kiss.
YOU ARE READING
Under This Roof
RomanceI thought that I can tell a lot about someone's character as soon as I meet them. In fact, I bragged about that to my friends, especially when they make me meet their significant others. I didn't think of it as prejudice. I thought of it as good ana...
