If I'm Louder. [a Ziall romance.] (EDTINGING IN PROGRESS)

weak.

i did ALOT of research for this chapter...so please enjoy the drama :)

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Zayns pov:

  after i had ran away from the boys, i went into the bathroom for a while.i was heart broken because i knew that this would be another thing people talk about.  i cried my eyes out until i couldn't handle it no more. so i reached into my duffel bag and pulled out a razor...

it took away the anger and saddness.  i mean it was only one cut, Harry wouldnt notice if he saw my wrist again. 

its not like he counted. 

when i was done with that i went back to find the boys to apologize...that was when i got the phone call.

i told the boys that we needed to go to the hospital...now. so we go into our limo and drove off to the E.R.

that all happened in a total of 20 minutes. i am now running into the E.R, with my eyes in tears,

i knew it was my fault. i mean there was no way to say it wasnt. Niall went out to look for me and got stabbed, funny thing is , is that i feel as if i was stabbed too.

"Where is Niall Horan?!" i yelled when i got into the E.R. the lady at the front desk quickly typed into her computer. i saw flashing light to coming from behind me. i then heard the door behind me opened.

i turned around and saw the boys were walking beside these people who were carrying someone in a stretcher. that someone was Niall.

i followed them as they walked past me. Niall had a bunch of needles in his arm, and one of the ladys was pumping air into his mouth.

"is he ok? is he alive?!" i was screaming now....but i didnt care.

  the lady how was ripping off Niall blazer . i saw the gash on the side of his stomach and my heart sank. it was still driping blood. the lady then said "he has lost alot of blood, we are taking him in for a blood transfusion. you and your friends need to stay here."

that was when they pushed Niall through a door. 

there was silence. i knew that the boys stood behind me, because i could almost feel there gaze burning in the back of my head. 

i stood there in the middle of the white hallway, and stared at the door. there was a drops of blood from Niall leading into where they took him.

   i kept seeing Nialls lifeless body in my head. his skin was so pale, and his lower body was covered in blood. 

   the hall began to get blurry as tear built in my eyes. my chest hurt, literally and emotionally. i felt worst then when my mom disowned me. i mean my boyfriend might be dead...and it is because of me.

  my knees wobbled as i began to feel weak. i heard foot steps quickly get closer to me as i fell to the floor. i felt the boys present around me but i couldnt move. i chocked on my breathes as i sobbed on the floor.

Liam then kneeled on the floor and hugged me as i cried. i was broken, it was as if a part of me died...no it wasnt as if that happened.

that is what exactly happened

when i saw Niall being pulled into that room, i saw it in slow motion. i couldnt stop think that the last memory i would ever have with him would be me yelling at him. 

 after a few more minutes of crying into Liams shoulder, i stood up. i leaned on the wall as i watched the boys wipe there tears.

 i stared at the floor, but i could still see that the boys were looking at me. "Zayn," harry said, "Niall is in good hands now. they can help him"

"yeah," Liam joined, "the girl said he was alive, he just lost a lot of blood...there fixing him"

"dont you get it?! " i blurted "he got stabbed because he was looking for me. for me! he could die because of me...im such a fucking ass hole!" i turned around and punched the wall.

 i then began to cry even harder as i felt Louis arms around me, joined by harry and louis. 

"were going to get through this...all of us. together" Harry said. 

my chest hurt from crying so much. the boys then stopped hugging me.

i the heard someone say "boys, follow me, we will bring you to the waiting room"

i lifted my head and saw a lady, no older then 32, look at us with a sad/concerned look.

we followed the lady quietly. the boys now and then said something to each other but i wasnt saying a word. 

* * *

its been two hours now that i have been waiting in the waiting room. the boys kept talking about how he was going to be better, but i sat in the chair motionless.

i starred at the tiles on the floor as i just thought.

    its is all my fault. all Niall ever tried to do was be a good boyfriend, which i am not. i shouldnt have lost my cool. my mom and dad are right...im evil. im a monster. i mean i hurt my boyfriend with out even touching him

that was when i heard Louis said "what if he isnt better?"

my head quickly turned to him. the boys all turned around and looked at me. Louis's face changed from sad to sorry. 

"Zayn im sorry i-"

"why would you say that?!" i said with tears building up in my eyes. 

"im sorry i didnt mean to make you sad"

i lost it, "sad? you think im sad Louis? im not sad Louis im way past sad ok? im dead! i am the living dead..."

Liam then said "Zayn, i know your very heart broken. your in a very bad state of mind and i know that little things can trigger emotions."

"like what?!" i snapped

"like that."

i then selted down. Liam was right. i was in a bad place right now. 

i then heard a worried womans voice "where is he?!". as i lifted my head i immediately recognized the woman...

it was Nialls mother.

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intense right? i was crying just writing this :D