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Jaemin was standing in front og Renjun's closed hospital door. A box of self made salmon sushi in his hands—Renjun's favourite.
The boy bit his lip. When did everything go wrong? Since when was Renjun suicidal? And even more important: since when was Renjun in love with him?
Donghyuck and Jeno had explained the situation. Jeno had tears streaming down his face. He told Jaemin that Renjun loves him with tears in his own eyes.
Jaemin could feel the agony radiating of Jeno. The agony and the pain.
Jaemin didn't understand why he felt so cold towards Renjun's coma. He couldn't pace around like Donghyuck, always waiting for someone to tell him the news. And he couldn't lock himself away like Jeno did.
Maybe it was Jaemin's private situation that made it hard for him to have empathy for his friends.
His dad was locked away and his mum was going through therapy while trying to care for a boy that was never home.
Jaemin felt guilty to his mum for his behavior. But he couldn't change the fact that all of what happened had traumatized him.
He had a plan in the back of his head. A plan he needed to go through with his mum before telling his friends... well if they were still his friends.
Jaemin had a ginormous fight on the eighth day of Renjun's coma. He even threw his fists into Donghyuck's face. It ended on them walking in three different directions.
Since that day, Jaemin hadn't seen anything of Donghyuck or Jeno.
Jaemin let out a breather and opened the door to Renjun's room.
A soft beeping was going through the room and Jaemin's eyes moved to the boy on the bed.
His skin was pale and a lot of cables were connected to his body. The boy on the bed didn't look like the bubbly and happy Renjun anymore.
Renjun's parents were nowhere to be seen so Jaemin walked to up to the bed and sat down next to it. "Hey Buddy" he greeted Renjun. "I brought your favorite salmon sushi." Jaemin continued. "I leave it over there." Jaemin pointed to a table in the corner.
"Jeno and Donghyuck told me about your crush on me. I'm sorry I didn't realize it." He spoke after bringing the sushi box to the table on the other side of the room. "I'm sorry for not helping you when those two fought a few weeks ago. I bet this is the reason our friendship started crumbling."
Jaemin fumbled with his shirt.
"I'm sorry that you tried to kill yourself because you were alone that night. I forgot that all of us have problems. And not just me. But my Dad tried to kill me and my mum. I hope you understand that my first thought was trying to survive."
Jaemin stretched his hand out and touched Renjun's tiny hand. It was cold.
"Are you dying?" Jaemin asked. "Is that what you ever wanted?" He took a breath. "I thought you wanted to see the world. You..." Tears formed in Jaemin's eyes and he took another breather. "I have a plan, Renjun. Tonight I will talk to my mum about it. And then I'll tell the boys." Jaemin stroked Renjun's hand.
