Dramione: Chosen You

Astoria

Drinking all alone feels good.  Especially when you just lost the love of your life. When you feel like you've lost everything. Like nothing else matters. 

I desperately want to scold myself for being so pathetic. For going so low as to casting illegal spells. So low as to giving Draco that love potion. Controlling Weasley for what reason? Everything I've done. I should have known when to stop. I should have. Yet I let my love for Draco take over. 

I desperately want to beat myself up for allowing Draco to think that I was with him for the money. I wanted him to know that I was on the ride with him for good. Yet I let my dark side take over. 

I should have known that Draco would choose Hermione over me. It was so obvious, yet I still overlooked it. Purposely. Ever since the wedding, I knew that Draco didn't love me. Yet I willed myself to believe that he was just adjusting to actually being married. That he would learn to love me. That it wouldn't matter as long as I loved him, fell asleep with him and woke up in his arms. 

I never want to go back to that time. That time when I still thought that Draco would love me as much as I loved him. Maybe even just half as much would have been enough. 

I was never actually angry that he brought Hermione back. At the time, I felt that if I didn't do a thing about the situation, I would be cast aside. I never thought that I would be rejected anyway. 

I stood in the shadows, controlling Weasely, not thinking straight. I knew that I was doing nothing good, but I convinced myself that I had come a long way, that I had to finish it.

I knew everything was wrong. Regret took over as soon as I set down my wand. Headaches come to me in the day, beating me up mentally and the nights I spend in my bed are nights that I wish I had spent sleeping. Instead, my thoughts kept me awake. Thoughts of what I could do to set things right again, yet I never acted upon those things I told myself I would do in my head.

I felt so guilty for my actions. I take another sip of wine, trying to drown out the events that took place. Trying to drown out the memories of Draco. Trying to erase the emotions I've been feeling this whole damn time. 

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A/N*

Hey guys! So this is a little bit of delving into Astoria's mind. Every story has two sides, doesn't it? Please vote if you liked it and comment your thoughts!!! 

-Mignon