Jacob

Chapter 26: Cosmic

As much as I want to believe that he is perfect, he isn't, and neither am I.

I tilt my head forward, spit in the sink, and wash my mouth. Jake comes on the side of me and spits in sink, I take a step back.

"Do you by any chance, have a blow-dryer?" I ask.

He nods his head and walks backwards to the white cabinet that was attached to the wall. He opens it and takes out a white blow-dryer.

"And a comb? And a brush?" I ask quickly again taking the dryer from his grasp, he hands me a comb and brush. "Thank you."

"You are welcome ." He said.

"Uhm can I ask you a question?" I ask plugging in the dryer next to the mirror.

"What is it?"

"Why didn't you have a girlfriend before me?"

"What are you asking me?"

"Why were you single before me?"

"I didn't want anybody."

"So, you weren't sleeping with anyone?"

"I didn't say that, I just... didn't want anyone."

"But you wanted me?"

"Yes." 

I bite the inside of my mouth and look at the cream ceramic floor, I close my eyes. "What were the circumstances that made you want me?"

"Scarlett..." He started agitated.

"Just answer the question."

"It's not that simple."

"Make it simple."

"I can't."

"Okay." I sigh. "You can probably have anyone you want, but you want me."

"Yes, I want you."

"Why?"

"Why are we having this conversation Scarlett? Why do you want to argue with me?"

"...I'm not arguing with you. I am asking you a question. Answer it.

He walks to me and I walk back against the bathroom door. He comes close to me and I bite my lip. He presses his body against mine, he takes my left hand and entwines it with his.

"You know how I feel about you."

"No, I don't."

"Yes, you do."

"What? You love me? I don't believe you."

"Why are you being so difficult ?" He takes a step back, still holding my hand.

I look at him and stare at him, and shrug my shoulders, " I don't know. Why do you give me a reason to be?"

"Scarlett." He sighs defeated.

"Jake, do you honestly believe yourself, when you say you love me?"

"Scarlett it's so much more complicated than that, it is more than love, I'd anything for you—there is literally nothing you can say or do that would make me stop feeling the way I feel about you. You have this cosmic hold on me that you can never understand, and it will always draw me towards you. I am incapable of loving anyone other than you."

"Jacob." I shake my head.

"You keep fighting me, you're not making this easy for me."

I look down away from his piercing gaze, "I know. I'm sorry." Is all I can think to say to that. I don't know why it's so hard for me to understand why or how he could love me. Did Kai really hurt me to the extent where I can't accept anymore love in my life? Or am I simply just so insecure to the point that I honestly believe it's impossible for someone to actually love me? Why is it so hard for me to let him love me? Why is it so hard for me to let him in?