Jacob

Chapter 12: Change

I sat in the couch watching cartoons while eating cookies that Katie bought from the store. I recently came from taking a shower, gave me sometime time to think about my situation I slept almost a full 24 hours at least that is what Jacob told me. I'm still wrapping my head around the fact that my best friend and her brother that I have never met are werewolves. Not to mention that he and I are supposed to be together what ever that even means.  It's 2:46a:m and Katie and Jacob where whisper arguing. I acted like I was too focused on the TV to care what they were saying. True I couldn't exactly hear them although I know they are talking about me, they were talking about how they were going to explain things to me. I like to think I catch on fast. I'm not freaked out or mad or anything like that.

Seeing Jacob in the woods the other night and what he can do is crazy fascinating, even more fascinating that he can turn into a large wolf. It does however confuses me on numerous levels. As a child he came to me as a freakishly big animal and I wasn't phased, when I was 11 because I had a strong feeling he wouldn't hurt me. But it begs me to question, why hasn't ever shown me his true form, why show me his form now? Why did he leave and didn't come back? I got so fucking depressed when he never came back. I would spend nights in the woods crying just hoping he'd come back I was devastated. I felt like I lost a part of me; like my heart was empty. He had a huge impact on me as a child. I thought there was something wrong with me, I kept asking myself what could I have done to drive him away. I'd just break down crying in school, and when I was asked why---I didn't know what to tell them. Mostly because I couldn't understand the concept to I was feeling. Having those feelings and not have them reciprocated was heart breaking for me.  I started to cry a little bit just thinking about it, I quickly wiped my tears so  Jacob and Katie won't notice.

My demeanor quickly change to unbothered to incredibly upset, I couldn't even watch tv anymore thinking about the distress a big dog put me through. Now to find out that he is actually human, I have someone to actually be mad at someone to hold accountable for the pain.

Jacob sat next to me, "What's wrong?" He asked as if he could sense my demeanor.

I put on a fake smile, "Nothing. Where is Katie?" I said noticing she wasn't here. "She had to go."

"Oh... okay."

"Love,why are you upset?"

My heart ached when he called me that, I shrugged my shoulders. "I'm not upset."

"Hmm," he hummed looking at me, studying me. I stared at my lap knowing if I looked at him I would break down. He took my legs and placed them on his lap, causing me to turn and face him. I still avoided eye contact. It felt really good to be close to him. How can I be upset with him? "Scarlett..."

"Yeah." I said playing with my fingers biting my lip harshly; holding my tears in. I just wanted to cuddle with him, every time he said something my heart will flutter. How can I be mad at someone that makes me feel this way. This is just so overwhelming. I was happy but also incredibly mad at him.

"Look at me baby." He lifted my chin up forcing me to look at him. Tears started to fall down my face.

"Scarlett please don't cry." He begged. He had a heart aching look on his face.  I started to break down. "Scarlett why are you crying?"

"I'm just a little overwhelmed, I'm so sorry."I said taking a deep breath.

"No love, you have absolutely nothing to be sorry about. Just tell me exactly what's on your beautiful mind, so I can help make things better."
I shrug my shoulders, I don't know how to explain to him something that happened years ago was still bothering me. I don't  want him to think I'm mad at him even though I probably am.  I have a right to be, he is human so he can give me an explanation. I just don't want him to be mad at me I guess, but I can and want to hold him accountable. I don't want to be mad at him.