IT'S ALL IN YOUR HEAD

Chapter 23- The Next Four Years Part 4

***Authors Note*****

Oh My Gosh!!!! I just reached 1000 reads!!!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!! You have no idea how awesome that is for me and you have no idea how much I appreciate you guys for reading!!!! Thank you guys sooooo much!!! ~Love Alison Young (AliLivesToWrite)

The fourth year of life without my closest friends was awful at first. I did nothing other than sleep, eat, and vomit. I can say that I was very stubborn though because I would still be doing push ups some times just to hack off my nurses.

So every janitor and nurse hated me by February because all they did was clean up the mess I made but during February they got a little bit less harsh and mean. On February 2nd, I began vomiting blood. The first nurse to see the blood was one of the more mean nurses but the minute she had to wipe blood off my chin, her attitude changed.

The weirdest thing was the fact that they never referred me to a doctor, only became nicer to me. In my head I always thought, Great... they had mopped up my vomit and wiped my chin for like four months and now when the blood starts comin' they are just going to hold my hair, wipe my chin, and slowly watch me die. Perfect.

I bet you think that it's a crazy thought but if you had blood in your vomit, your mom or dad would be breakin' all kinds of traffic laws to get you to an ER or doctors office. These guys simply would look at me with compassionate eyes, smile and give me water to sip, then leave.

I think that I was relieved to not have to go talking to doctors but, as you know, no emotions were felt. That was probably the worst thing when I was sick twenty-four-seven, I couldn't feel the sickness and couldn't tell when I would throw up due to any sort pain so one minute I would be sitting on my bed staring at the wall and the next minute I would be on my knees, purging my stomach threw my face.

That was a harsh time in the four years and a difficult time.

Day 1131-

This was the final time that I spoke in those four years and it was a particularly sad event. The nurse gave me the most sad expression I had ever seen when I said it, but I didn't regret it.

I had just got into my room from taking a shower and left the door ajar. Once I had reached my bed, I stopped and dropped to the floor and began hurling me guts out. It didn't take much time for my favorite nurse, Nurse Annie, to come running to my aid.

I watched as my white dress began to soak up some of the blood on the floor. It was early in the morning so I didn't have food in my body, so the only thing I vomited was pure, red, thick blood. I just sat heaving and breathing heavy as I watched the puddle of blood spread.

My nurse was in my room now but my hair was in a bun, luckily, so she didn't need to hold my hair. She placed a soft, warm, small hand on my back and traced small circles in attempt to soothe me. She was the only human in the whole wide world who I would let touch me.

A nurse named Jennifer rubbed my arm with her hand in attempt to warm my cold skin and I smacked her off in three seconds flat. An orderly couldn't even restrain me when I tried to walk to the bathroom without supervision. His arms had gripped me and lifted me off the ground but I bit him.

These guards are trained not to react to bites from The Crazy Kids, the were taught to simply pry our little mouths off. Well, usually it takes a second to bite someone hard enough to break skin, but the minute I latched on, my teeth sunk deep into his skin and muscle, filling my mouth with metallic blood. Graphic, right...

He shook me off in surprise and I simply spit the mouth full of blood on the floor, smiled at the guard, and walked my self to the girls bathroom. I have one heck of a strong jaw.

No one tried to restrain me after that and no one other than Nurse Annie would touch me. I think that I wanted it to be that way because human contact disgusted me in the first place.

But anyways, she was trying to calm me down by rubbing my back and she was now holding a little tub like boxy thingy in front of me so I wouldn't cover my floor with my bloody vomit. After I was done, she pulled me off of the ground and helped me change dresses; they were easiest to change out of so they only let me wear those when I was sick.

She then helped me into my bed and gave me a new box for reasons obvious. She sat on the end of my bed and wiggled socks onto my feet with a gentle smile on her face. "It's okay sweetie. I am sure this will be over soon." "Yeah as soon as hell freezes over." I said. I was looking blankly at the ground but I saw her eyes shoot up and stare at my face.

I dragged my eyes up and locked gazes with her. "Am I gong to die?" I asked. She got up and sat back down closer to my face. She tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and I couldn't stop thinking of Kathy. She always did that to me.

"Baby, no you won't die." She smiled at me scrunching her eye brows in with concern. "Are you sure?" I asked," Because a life without my best friends is the same thing as being dead so if I am dying just say it."

She gave me the most sad look in existence and I watched as her crystally white eyes filled with big tears. "I will make sure you won't die, sweetie." She let a tear roll down to her chin before swiftly wiping it away. More came but she brushed them away faster with the back of her hands.

She never wore any make up, as beautiful as she was, I didn't blame her, so no mascara was running from her eyes and no trail marks of tears were left in her foundation. I liked that she never wore make up, it made me like her more, but that probably doesn't make sense unless you knew that Keenan and Kathy hardly ever wore any make up. In fact Kathy only started wearing make up on her sixteenth birthday. I hadn't seen Keenan since the divorce but I don't think she ever started wearing it.

I really thought I would die but still no emotions came with my thoughts of death. I thought I would some how start to feel sad or scared when I was beginning to believe that I would drop dead but nothing happened.

I think I was ready to die. After all, I said, 'A life without my best friends is the same thing as being dead.'