Ocean Eyes

#25 - Jenna

Picture perfect memories,

Scattered all around the floor,

Reaching for the phone cause, I can't fight it any more

And I wonder if I ever cross your mind

For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now

Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now

And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now

Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door

Wishing you'd come sweepin' in the way you did before

And I wonder if I ever cross your mind

For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk, and I need you now

Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now

And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now

Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all

Every line of the lyrics was accurate, especially the 'little drunk' part and the 'I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all' part.

I was sitting in front of Jenna's camper; obviously, I wasn't brave enough to go in after our huge fight.

I still can't believe she hit me.

Our fight was stupid. Or, at least, I thought it was stupid. I guess she must not have.

I honestly didn't know what to feel. I'd never been in a situation even close to that ever before. I'd never felt so scared but so miserable without her at the same time. I couldn't just ignore the fact that she punched me. The evidence was written on my face. But I couldn't just kick her out, either.

Not after everything.

Not after 2 AM black dresses and red wine. Not after three days of throwing up and her holding my hair back. Not after her buying me a mermaid tail blanket just because I wanted one. Not after dancing in the spray from a fountain for hours. Not after window shopping the stores in the little town and eating fast food for dinner on the way home. Not after kayaks and tubing and floating around on a raft for the morning. Not after nights that would have otherwise been lonely spent staying up until four talking.

Not after that; I couldn't do it.

I sprinted to Jenna's window and knocked twice, softly. Our code. I was rewarded by her raising the sash and reaching her arms out to help me in. I jumped and sat on the sill and waited for Jenna's arms to encircle my waist and lift me down.

When I was safely on her carpeted floor, I looked down. I had no idea what I was supposed to say. Sorry?

"Sorry," I whispered quietly. Jenna picked me up and boosted me so I was sitting on her desk. "Hey, Emmy, I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have gotten so mad. It won't happen again, baby. I promise."

I nodded in acceptance of her apology. "Bunny?" I said, as she was turned away from me. "Yes, darling?" Jenna asked without turning to look at me. "Can I stay here tonight?"

I could almost feel Jenna smiling as she opened a drawer in her dresser. "Sure. Do you want the pajamas you left on Tuesday or one of my shirts?" I smiled, hopping down from the counter. "Yours."

Jenna grabbed an oversized shirt that said, 'I'm really a kitten inside. But just remember, kittens have claws'. I sighed. How true that was.

"Strip," Jenna commanded, slapping my ass as she lifted me off of the desk. I smiled and pulled my shirt off almost teasingly, ignoring the spot where I'd spilled my wine that evening.

Jenna's eyes roamed my red bra almost hungrily. I bit my lip, knowing what it did to her, and slid the jeans I was wearing off. I was left in only my bra and underwear, both of which she'd bought for me during our last visit to the mall a few towns over.

"Hey, get these." I turned to look and curled my lip at the red bra and panties set Jenna had picked out for me. "Why? Red makes me look like my boobs are bleeding." A few people turned to look. Jenna threw her hands up in the air, letting her quick temper, which I was honestly a bit afraid of, show. "Thanks. Because we definitely need everyone in the mall to know that we're arguing over lingerie!" "Oh, eat me, Jenna. Wait, you actually might," I said, smirking. She leaned closer. "Looks like the good girl has a mind that went gutter-ball. Shall I give you what you asked for later?" "Mhmm," I mumbled, nodding. "What was that? I didn't quite hear you." I glared at Jenna. "How about I be a bit louder, huh babe?" "Shut up," she said. I smiled in satisfaction at my win. Jenna grabbed my hand possessively as two girls walked in, wearing bikinis. I didn't protest until she began holding it so tight that it was painful. "Hey, babe, it's okay," I said, stroking her hand with my thumb. "You're the only girl for me." "I better be," Jenna muttered, kissing my lips. When we broke apart, she dangled the red lingerie set in front of my face. "Here, take these." I sighed and took them. "How did I get talked into this, anyway?" "Because you love me," Jenna said simply, pulling me through the store by the wrist. "True," I said, which earned me another peck on the lips.

"That's my favorite," Jenna said, looking down at my red bra and panties. "Leave them on. You can wear my t-shirt to bed tomorrow." "Okay."

Jenna looked at me. I had went from standing to sitting on the carpeted floor. I held up my arms like a child, wanting to be picked up. Jenna rolled her eyes but took me in her arms, cradling my small body against her own. I stayed silent until we were in bed, and then I broke down.

"I'm sorry. I'm s-so so-sorry, Jenna. I never meant to make you hit me!" I was lost in my world by then. I convinced myself that I was hard to love and for someone who actually cared, unlike all of my exes, it must just be harder.

"Ssh, baby, it's alright. You're fine. I'm not mad Emmy. You made a bad judgment call. It's fine. We'll get over it sweetheart. I forgive you, baby."

I laid my head on the hollow between her breasts, thinking on every night that I'd spent laying in that very spot, listening to her steady heartbeat.

With Jenna rubbing gentle circles on my back and pulling me close to her, I fell asleep, wrapped in Jenna's arms once again.