Untamed

Chapter Thirty

I sat on Nelly's kitchen counter and the only sound that could be heard was that of Nelly chopping the onions furiously.
None of us said a word, each of us lost in our own world. I could tell Nelly was filled with unexpressed anger judging from her action. She sliced the onion with an exaggerated effort , as if they were potatoes.

"How could you be so dumb? " She suddenly blurted whilst she dumped the sliced onions into the saucepan, placing  the lid on it in an aggressive manner,which created an unpleasant chink noise.

"Huh?" I looked up at her startled, not expecting such a sudden outburst.

"You should have at least wore a condom." She chided, making me surprised at her mean tone.

" I didn't plan on sleeping with him, so where would I have gotten the condom." I replied still perplexed at her attitude.

" What happened to a post pill, you could have at least taken that." She spat back,  her chest heaving up and down in anger.

"Nelly I never used that with my husband, so it didn't occur to me." I replied my heart hurting slightly from the way she was acting.

" Are you for real? That wasn't your husband you were banging. It was his son." She stated further using her hand to air quote the son, emphasising on it.

" I was filled with the need for revenge, I wasn't  thinking things through. " I said in a soft tone, knowing Nelly had a point.

"And see where your mighty revenge has ended you.  You have just worsen everything. " She retorted,  her tone still harsh.

"Give me a break, it wasn't just about the revenge." I replied heatedly getting fed up  with her judging manner.

" Oh, what then fueled it,  tell me? " She questioned moving close to stand in front of mine.

" I love Michael, we had so much chemistry , I knew it would have happened whether my husband was faithful or not." I  answered back.

"Raquel could you hear yourself speak? " She demanded and folded her hands in front of her.

"Yes I can." I spat back.

"I'm tired of always being perfect, I'm tired of always going by the rules." I continued.

" You have never played by the rules but you have a man who sincerely loves you. But look at me I have always played by the rules, treated people with so much love and care. And I can't even get my husband to have eyes just for me. "

" So when Michael came into the picture,  the look of desire in his eyes lighted a fire in me and just for once I didn't want to follow the moral part. I wanted to be loved, I wanted to be cherished sincerely and desired as a woman. And Michael did just that. " I added in an unflinching voice, pouring my heart out to her. 

"Raquel I'm... " I interrupted her by saying "Don't" , moving away from the comforting hand she was about to offer.

"I don't regret anything and I will do everything all over again if the opportunity presents itself again." I informed leaning further on the counter.

" The only thing I regret is this beautiful innocent thing growing inside me,  which society will reject. " I continued on the verge of tears now, rubbing my tummy.

"Raquel I'm sorry for judging,  I never realised you felt lonely and undesirable." Nelly stated in attempt to make amends.

"Don't be, I'm done doing what people want. It's my life and just this once I'm going to do what is going to benefit me and make me happy. Whether people agree or not." I stated furiously taking hold of my bag and walked out.

" Raquel please don't take any rush decision. " Nelly shouted after me whilst I exited her apartment.

*******
I sat on my bed and fidgeted with the abortion induce drug in my hand. Is this the right path to take?  Was I being selfish and ignoring the life growing inside me. I began wondering , suddenly feeling confused about the decision to take. The nauseous  feeling hit me again making me run into the bathroom.  I turned the sink to wash my mouth, catching my reflection in the mirror. I looked tired and exhausted from the raging war going inside me. I run the water over my face, hoping the action could help clear my mind.

I took the pills out of its wrapper and made an attempt to swallow with the water from the tap. Two of them slipped out rushing through the sink hole and down the tub. I looked back up and my image reflected back at me.

You are no different from your father.  You are monster.

I heard a still voice inside me say and realisation dawned on me. If I go through with this abortion, I'm no different from my father who abandoned me. Heck I'm much worse, at least he gave me a chance of life. I suddenly felt disgusted with myself and threw the remaining pills down the toilet .

There's got to be a way out of this.  I said to myself and took hold of my phone with an idea coming to mind.

"Hello Derick." I greeted when he picked the phone.

"Can I come by your office tomorrow?" I stated forgetting about exchange of pleasantries.

" If you had ask about how I was faring I would have responded." He said with a chuckle.

"My bad, I'm a little upset that's why. " I offered in the form of apology.

"Is there any way I can help? " He asked.

" Yes,  that is exactly why I'm calling but it's not something we can discuss on phone. So I will be over tomorrow." I explained.

" I will be waiting then." He responded and ended the call.

I walked to my husband's study room and knocked on the door several times without a response.

"What is it?" He ushered out in exasperation.

" I didn't come here for chit chat. " I responded with fury in my eyes.

"What is it then? Say it and be on your way am busy here." He stated harshly, whilst still gazing at his book.

" I want a divorce." I rushed out not wanting to change my mind.

"What?" He said looking up at me with his full attention.

" I don't love you anymore and I'm not happy by your side." I stated looking back at him with similar intensity.

" You must be kidding right?" He questioned, expecting me to confirm the statement.

"No I'm serious." I said with a straight face.

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