Famous | j.b

twenty three

avalyn sparrow

Shopping for my apartment was difficult. Justin and I have similar taste, but he's far more picky about stuff and I had to remind him this is my apartment and there would be some things in it he didn't like. We spent the entire morning purchasing things then in the afternoon we consummated all my furniture.

Being in public with Justin was different. It was no longer winter so it's not as easy to hide. He had two bodyguards who often followed us around but it didn't bother Justin so I tried not to let it bother me.

"We'll both have ours with no pickles and no tomatoes. He'll have extra mayo, onions and an extra patty," I placed our order at a burger place that was supposed to be really good. I had less than two hours before I was supposed to be with Seth for his AA meeting. The restaurant was fairly busy, but people offered us their table. I didn't understand why until I realized who I was with.

"Look at you knowing what I do and do not like. On your wifey shit," Justin playfully squeezed my waist while we stood off to the side, waiting for our number to be called. "I wish I could make you mine."

"I am yours," I responded with words I never thought would leave my lips. As much as I hate the whole owning people thing and possessive shit, it gets Justin going.

"I mean, mine mine. As in no one could ever take you away from me." My smile was forced, for some reason being repulsed by the idea of marriage. He's talking about marriage. "Don't tell me you don't want to get married," he was asking it in a general sense.

"I don't," I told him the truth. I made that decision prior to meeting Justin. I told myself I would never legally bind myself to a man because there will never be a man in the world I fully would want to give myself to. Although I believe marriage is just a stupid piece of paper, I know it can carry heavy weight. "You do?" No one in my life is married except for Vivi and Frank. Even then, I'm convinced their relationship is mainly for business. My parents aren't married. Even his mom and her boyfriend aren't married and they've been together for a while.

"I mean, of course I do." It doesn't surprise me marriage is something he wants. I'm sure he'd love a big wedding too. "I want to get married and have a dozen kids."

"I think you need to start searching for a new girl," I joked, getting seated at a booth with him to begin eating.

We dropped the topic for the rest of our meal and had a regular conversation but I could tell the marriage and kids talk had really bothered him. I don't blame him. Although the talk was only a general talk and wasn't necessarily pertaining to our relationship in itself, I clearly put a dent in his plans.

"Is this like a set thing?" Justin asked as we tossed away the scraps of our burgers. My head went down when we got outside and walked to the car with his bodyguards nearby.

Justin was shocked by my words and I didn't expect for it to come as a blindside. I like being in control which is hard because I have so little control over many things in my life. Kids is something I will have little control over. I'm imperfect. Far from perfect with endless flaws I'm terrified of passing down to my children. There's no saying how they'll turn out and once they're out in the world, I would hate to see all my imperfects in them. My parents are alcoholics and I've been fortunate enough to be careful with my alcohol consumption. What if I pass down those habits? Those alcoholic habits my parents have that are probably lingering in me.

"I'm still young. Still exploring life. It's not something I've put lots of thought into. Maybe I'll think about it further in a few years," I got into his car when we arrived at it. I'm only 21 and despite Justin being five years older than me, I would hate to jump into these big decisions strictly based off him being older and eager.