Famous | j.b

five

avalyn sparrow

Justin was persistent. Even with me sorting my life out, he still stayed committed to expressing how much he wanted to be apart of my life. I don't normally trust people easily, but he was earning my trust. Giving it to him didn't seem as intimidating as I thought it would. But I couldn't help but feel like things were moving faster than I would've liked.

After the Seth situation, I realized I really like Justin. That reality scared me. He didn't ask me many questions, but was still there for me and has been the entire time. My situation with Seth isn't black and white and I'm happy he understands that. He's patient and kind and sometimes I feel undeserving.

The only compromising factor was our schedules which never seemed to work. Whenever I'm free I'm genuinely exhausted and it's me just sleeping at his home. He doesn't seem to mind because he's usually happy and falls asleep beside me. But lately he's been extra busy with some music video. Unlike his other music, he never shared many details but I didn't think much of it. I had other things to worry about.

justin: can i see you today? i miss you

avalyn: i have work at 5, but i'm done all my classes at 2. i can stop by your place in between

justin: yeah i'll be free

I set my phone down then went back to listening to the lecture. Now I wasn't going to be able to pay attention to it at all because all I could think about is how I'm excited to see Justin after not seeing him for a week. Damn Justin. He's got me smiling at the thought of just hugging him.

I glanced back down at my phone when Elena sent me a text message. It was a link to a music video. I plugged my headphones in then turned my brightness down to watch it.

My jaw dropped and my skin went cold. I knew Justin was filming a music video. But in this video he was practically shooting a soft porno. I'm not a dramatic person, but seeing his hands all over this girl that was half naked was a punch to my gut. I never knew I'd become the type of girl that gets upset about this even though I'm not even dating the guy. But a part of it had to do with my insecurities when it comes to men and relationships. Seeing this was making me want to backtrack and ruin all the progress Justin and I have made.

I stood, grabbing my things as I left the class without even trying to be quiet. I was mad. I couldn't even explain why but I was. Whether he's just acting or not, a heads up would have been appreciated. But since we're not in a relationship, Justin owes me nothing. I have to remind myself that he owes me nothing.

"Elena, what is this?" I refrained from breaking down into tears while I called her. My cheeks would freeze their ass off if I cried.

"You tell me. I thought you guys were like...seeing each other?" Elena said and I didn't have an answer. Justin and I don't talk about what we are. I thought it didn't need to be discussed that we were both interested in each other. I assumed that meant we're not interested in other people but my assumption was clearly stupid and now I feel incredibly dumb.

"I don't know. We don't talk about that stuff," I looked down at the ground filled with snow. It was sunny today and the sun made the snow glisten. But it didn't make the weather any more tolerable.

"That seems like something that needs to be talked about," she raised a valid point, only making my feelings feel even more invalid.

-

The store was pretty dead which normally would not bother me. It means more time for Elena and I to talk at the cash registers. But this time all I could think of was Justin. I was supposed to see him after school but I couldn't stand to see his face and I didn't want to make things a big deal. I needed time to cool off before talking to him or things would go bad.