Frisson (Diabolik lovers)

I. The news

I'm in the school infirmary right now. I left the classroom in the middle of the lesson, because I couldn't sit there any longer. My handwriting is messy, my heart is beating faster than it should be, I'm feeling light headed and dizzy, I'm sweating, even though I'm feeling cold at the moment. If I don't calm myself right now, I might start hyperventilating.

Normal person would probably be freaking out right now because of these symptoms, but for me it's a daily condition. I need to breathe out slowly. Distraction would help me, but right now I only have my notebook. Writing everything down can help, because I can concentrate on one thought at the moment, but it might make things worse. But beggars are not choosers - right now I'm out of options - I need to calm down and go back to the class or I will fail the exams. Breathe out slowly, Lauren, you can do it. Just like the previous times. I open my notebook. I'll write about my day until this moment.

I woke up at 6 a.m. Mom was already messing things up in the kitchen, but that's the way she cooks. She's politician who also controls a huge company in Canada so she doesn't really have time to cook, but she always insists that she has to be the one preparing our breakfast. She says that otherwise she'd be a bad mother and disappoint me.

"Want some pancakes, sweetie?"
"Yeah, sure," I answered. We both sat down to eat.
"Coffee?"
"No, thanks."
"Kids these days, you guys don't know what tastes good. When I was your age, I would secretly drink coffee every morning, even though your grandma insisted that I should eat healthy breakfast or I will die because of  heart attack. She was always so nervous about everything." I don't drink coffee or tea for breakfast, especially before going out somewhere. My heart already beats like a drummer in the heavy metal concert. Coffee would make it into a Super Mario on ecstasy or speed.

"So, what are your plans for today?" I asked before putting a piece of pancake into my mouth.
"Scream at my company workers, meet some famous politicians - the usual. Speaking of which, do you remember the one named Tougo Sakamaki? Today I have a meeting with him. If everything goes smoothly I will reach the most important agreement in my career."

"Sounds stressful." Inhale, slowly exhale.

"No, not at all. I've been preparing for this meeting for quite a while now and I'm sure that everything will go as planned." But what if it won't? What if something happens? What if mom messes up in front of them? Her career will be over. Her passion, her reason for breathing will be taken away from her. What if she faints and...

"Lauren, are you alright? Don't worry about me, everything's going to be fine," She said while squeezing my hand to show how calm she really was. Her hand was warm and steady. It wasn't shacking like mine. She was so relaxed. I was probably showing my mom that I didn't believe in her. I felt guilt.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.
"For what, silly? You did nothing wrong . I swear, you are just like your grandmother." She smiled.
"Now, tell me what are your plans for today?" I took a sip of water.
"The usual. School, then after school activities. Today I have basketball. After that I will study with Lea. She asked me for some help with English. But I don't really know why. I mean, it's not like I understand the subject completely myself."
"Busy day, for you too, huh."

Mom checked the time.
"I guess I'll be going now. Have a nice day at school, sweetie."
"Good luck," I waved. When she left, I took out my textbook. English teacher is very strict. Preparing for her daily lesson is more stressful than preparing for an actual exam. And today English was a first period for me. And speaking of Lea - she is my best friend and she understands my daily struggles with an anxiety, even though she doesn't have it herself. Lauren, remember to breathe.

In school I was feeling a normal amount of uneasiness. The bell rang and so did alarms in my head. Any other lesson is fine, but English teacher just knows how to make students panic. Breathe out, breathe in. Today our teacher seemed to be in a good mood and that's a good sign. Usually, we analyze literature, but today we were analyzing a 1998 movie, named 'Stepmom'. One thing led to the other and here I am, spending these past ten minutes in a school infirmary convinced, that my mom is dying with cancer. I wonder, how her meeting is going...